#I have to admit it’s been well over a year since I’ve seen playthroughs of the game

[quibbs126]

You know, I kind of wish the magic system in Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright was legit, because I actually think it’s pretty cool

I’d love to see something actually use it to its full potential as a magic system

[reds-fluff-extravaganza]

Katsuya Suou x reader

I am on a big Persona 2 kick at the moment since I’m watching a playthrough rn. Takes place right after the whole scenario in the clock tower at Sevens. Sorry the ending is kinda rushed, I’ve been working on this oneshot for a few days now

Since you’ve known and become friends with Katsuya, you have never seen him take a break, or at least, not a proper one. So when he was taken off the Joker case, he still wouldn’t take a break, and that worried you a lot. He was your best friend and crush, not that you were going to admit that part, of course you were worried about him!

“Katsuya, please, you need to take a break! A proper break!” You pleaded with him as you were walking with him out of Sevens’ building.

“There’s no time for a break, Y/n, Not while that bastard is out there!” You frowned a bit, knowing just how stubborn he can be, which doesn’t help his perfectionist nature. You were going to have to get him to rest somehow, and you were hoping this was going to work.

“But Katsuya, if you don’t take a break… you’ll get exhausted by the time you actually find Joker. We don’t need you passing out before that happens, right?” You swore you saw him flinch a bit at the realization of your words. He mumbled something to himself, which you didn’t exactly hear, but you could guess it had something to do with you.

“Fine, fine, I’ll take a break. Alright?” You mentally sighed in relief as you nodded, now walking with him back to his place, taking in just how tired and stressed out he looked. You really do care about him, so seeing him like this just makes you worry.

“…you know there’s no need to worry about me, Y/n.” Katsuya spoke up as the two of you walked inside. “I’ll be fine.”

“You always say that.” You crossed your arms, looking back at him. “I know how stressed you are, I can see it on your face!”

“…I suppose you’re right, Y/n.” He sighed softly as he turned back to face you once more before saying something that caught you off guard, “I… thank you for worrying about me.” He said it in such a soft voice that you swore that you misheard him. He was thanking you for worrying about him?? What was going on?

“You’re welcome, Katsuya.” You went over to him, hugging him. He flinched a bit at the sudden hug, but since it was you, he didn’t resist, instead, hugging you back. In fact, if it wasn’t you, if it was someone else that had been hugging him, he would have shoved them away by now. You looked back at him with a soft smile on your face.

“Alright, you go and get some rest now.. okay?” You let him go from the hug, but he grabbed your wrist.

“…promise me that you’ll still be here when I wake up.”

“Hmm? Of course. I’ll be here if you need me for anything, Katsuya.”

“If you say so, Y/n.” He then let go of you, though he seemed a bit hesitant to do so, or at least… that’s what it seemed like to you, before he made his way to his room. You shrugged it off and sat on the couch, having nothing else to do.

However, as you sat there, alone with your thoughts, you started thinking about Katsuya. You two have been friends for a few years now, yet over the course of those few years, you’ve gained feelings for him, yet you were so afraid to tell him, as you were sure he didn’t feel the same way, as he’s not… the most affectionate person, and what not. You sighed softly as you lie down, staring up at the ceiling.

“I may as well take a nap myself..” you said to no one in particular as you closed your eyes, eventually falling asleep. However, your nap only lasted a few minutes before you heard a voice calling your name. You immediately sat up, looking around.

“Y/n?!” It was Katsuya calling out to you. You got up and rushed to his room, gently knocking on the door before calling out his name, only to be met with silence. Worried, you slowly and quietly opened the door and walked into the room, closing the door behind you before walking over to him. You sighed a bit in relief as you saw that he was still asleep.

“Y/n..” you frowned a bit as you heard the worry and pain in his voice. The only thing you could think of was that he was having a nightmare. But why was he calling for you in his sleep..? Well, whatever it is, you would just have to ask him later, like he would even tell you. You didn’t want to just leave him alone, so you crawled into bed beside him, and brought him close to you. You felt him tense up at first, but soon relaxed in your embrace.

“It’s alright, Katsuya, I’m not going anywhere..” you said softly, just loud enough for him to hear you as you gently ran your fingers through his hair. It was silent for a few moments until you heard him mumble,

“…thank you.. I love you.. Y/n” you had to take a moment, thinking you misheard him. Nah, there was no way he would have feelings for you too, right?? You shook your head and soon fell asleep beside him.

Several hours passed, and Katsuya was awake before you. He slowly opened his eyes, glancing around the room before his gaze landed on you sleeping beside him.

“Y/n..? What are they doing here..?” He thought, taking a moment to admire you. He did like you, despite how he usually acted around you, yet he treated you better than anyone else he’s been around. He is brought from his thoughts when he heard you say his name.

“Katsuya..?” You slowly opened your eyes, looking up at him, but you noticed the look on his face… then remembered what had happened last night: he had a nightmare and called out to you, and you helped calm him down before falling asleep yourself.

“You… you had a nightmare and you called out to me. I came in to check on you but you were still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up, but I didn’t.. want to just leave you alone like that.”

“I see…��� he had to take a moment to process your words, before he remembered the dream, or at least… part of it. Where he had lost you to Joker.

“How… much did you hear?”

“Oh, not much, aside from you calling my name… wait, no, there was one other thing.”

“Hmm..? What other thing..?”

“Well.. if I tell you… you won’t get mad at me, right..?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/n, just tell me.”

“Okay, okay.. well, you told me that… you loved me.” You pressed your fingers together nervously, watching as Katsuya’s face turned a bright red as you told him what he said in his sleep.

“Did… did you mean it, Katsuya?” Katsuya was silent for a few moments, unable to meet your gaze. You had thought his silence was a bad thing, that he didn’t feel the same way. However, before you could say anything else, he spoke up,

“I… yes, I meant it, Y/n.” He still doesn’t look at you, his face was a bright red. You were surprised by this, you didn’t expect him to return your feelings. You had a soft smile on your face as you took his hands into your own, which made him look back at you.

“Oh, Katsuya.. I love you too… I was just afraid of telling you. I was afraid that you wouldn’t feel the same way or that I would be distracting you from your work.. so I’m happy you feel the same way.”

“Y/n..” he chuckled a bit as he shook his head. “You could never be a distraction.. besides, you’re one of the only few who actually helps me keep on track with taking breaks. And I… really appreciate you doing that for me.” Katsuya pulled you into a hug, which you happily returned.

“…I love you, Y/n.”

“I love you too, Katsuya.” You looked up at him, thinking to yourself that this was the start of a very interesting relationship, but you were still happy about it, nonetheless.

[antisocialxconstruct]

calling this DONE because I don't want to look at it anymore. After exploring some of the other potential outcomes in @the-passenger-if I've warmed up to Ever's first ending considerably, although the one (1) thing that disappoints me is that if you're not on good enough terms with Roach you never get to find out Why™. So this was just my attempt to fill that little gap :v

2.8k, Ever and Roach have a nice friendly chat :) Major endgame spoilers, probably don't read if you haven't finished at least one playthrough

--

“Ever?”

He starts, glancing up at Fiama as if he’s only just become aware of her presence. From where she's hovering on the other side of the counter, coffee pot in hand, she arches a single sculpted eyebrow at him as he sits up slightly. "Hm? Sorry, I was a thousand miles away."

That's the understatement of a lifetime. Or overstatement, maybe. It's been eight months and he never once stopped thinking about Luna Ridge. About the feast. About coming the closest to perfect he’d ever been in twenty-six years, the closest to free he’d ever been… just to bounce off the damned portal like a bird hitting a window. Nothing’s felt right since. Nothing ever really felt right here, but he had learned to endure so long as it felt like he’d been moving steadily toward the end of it. Now…

Now there’s that little voice somewhere in the back of his mind telling him the same thing over and over. That was your chance and you missed it.

Fiama eyes him a moment longer, and he tries to smooth away whatever must be showing on his face. “I said are you doing okay? I feel like I’ve seen less and less of you lately, ever since…” She gestures vaguely with the coffee pot, but she won’t say it. There’s still some tiny, reluctant part of her that doesn’t like admitting any of that really happened, that the world extends that far beyond what makes sense. But Ever has no doubt she’s been thinking about it too.

“Oh… yeah I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Everything is so achingly normal now, he adds internally, and it’s a conscious effort to flash Fiama a light smile instead of the sneer that wants to accompany that thought. That wouldn’t be in character. That’s not how Ever Newman acts. But the little frown settled onto Fiama’s features isn’t going anywhere, and a sidelong glance tells Ever the diner is too empty for her focus to be redirected. He inhales sharply, clears his throat. “It’s just been an adjustment, you know?” he presses on. “We’ve been arranging some renovations to the bakery for Livvy’s sake, and in the meantime I’ve taken on a lot more of the work there to give her a break. It hasn’t left a lot of time for social calls is all.”

It’s a pretty weak lie, and not one that will hold a lot of water if Fiama has even one conversation with Livvy about it–the renovations are real, but in reality Livvy’s adapted admirably to her lost sight and the whole thing has become her pet project. The truth is Ever has been pulling away, avoiding people. The discomfort of having to pour himself back into this body, into this tiny excuse for a life, had deepened pretty quickly into resentment and disgust with every new reassurance that the other survivors of Luna Ridge still trusted him, still loved him, still thought of him as the Ever they had always known. I’m not, he wanted to remind them, I’m not anything that you know, I’m not anything that you could even comprehend. It had been dull to play human when his true existence had been a secret he had to keep. Now, to have that secret out only for the others to continue responding to the human mask after it’s been well and truly shredded… It's hell.

Still, he knows how to use it, and the lie gets exactly the reaction he was angling for. Fiama purses her lips in a sympathetic frown and gives him a slow nod, then leans in to top off his coffee. “Just make sure you’re making time for yourself,” she says softly. “It’s so important especially when you’re also looking after someone else.”

Ever empties three sugar packets into the freshly filled mug and tosses her a smirk. He starts, “speaking from exp-” but the comment dies on his lips when he realizes her attention is fixed on something over his shoulder. In the instant that follows a spark of panic arcs white-hot down his spine, before he can remind himself that there’s no longer anything after him.

Then Fiama straightens and the moment passes. “Sorry,” she chuckles, but her attention is already drifting, scanning the meager crowd in case she’s needed. “That person by the window just looked so familiar for a second.”

The non sequitur is enough to smother Ever’s fear in favor of curiosity, and he twists in his seat to see who she was looking at.

Then he freezes.

They do look different. It’s subtle, not immediately apparent whether anything actually changed or the distance of eight months has made their features seem unfamiliar. Maybe their hair is shorter? Maybe their clothes are new? But it couldn’t be anyone else. If Ever had been naive enough to doubt, it would have evaporated the second they glanced up and the sunlight bounced off those strange honey-gold eyes.

He’s out of his seat and across the floor before he can really even think about what he’s doing. His hands come down on the tabletop with a sharp thwack as he bends down to meet their eye. “If you were half as smart as you like to act,” he growls, “you’d be halfway around the globe right now.”

Roach blinks, then gives him a slow, syrupy smile. “And if you were half as powerful as you like to claim, I don’t think we’d be having this conversation right now, would we?” Ever holds their gaze and grits his teeth, but he isn’t able to offer any kind of rebuttal before they speak again. “What are you going to do, Ever? Are you gonna kill me? Explode my head right here in front of all these lovely people? You could, right?”

Could he? It’s a tempting prospect in spite of the mess it would make. His eyes stay locked onto theirs for another moment as he weighs his options, until a strangely acrid smell hits his nose. He glances down to see the clear coating of the table begin to warp and bubble around his hands, and the sticky tearing sound it makes as he yanks them away makes him wince. His palms feel raw but he crosses his arms without looking at them, takes a deep breath, counts to five inside his head. He never takes his eyes off Roach, and they never waver as they stare back in patient, openly amused silence.

“Why did you come back?” Ever finally asks, once he’s calm enough to be certain his voice will stay respectably level. It’s still dripping with vitriol. “I  can’t imagine you thought you would finish the job.”

Roach laughs, sharp and sudden as they ever did. Like the two of them are sharing a long-running joke. “This might be hard to believe but my life doesn’t revolve around you, Ever. I came back to see how Jonny was doing. Because I like him.”

“And I’m supposed to believe it was just a wild coincidence that we crossed paths here?”

“Oh, no.” Roach shrugs. “I did follow you here.” Ever unfolds his arms and moves as if to grab Roach out of the booth before pulling up a split second later, balling his hands into fists at his sides and fixing a withering glare over Roach’s shoulder at nothing in particular. What is he going to do, beat them up in the middle of the diner? He’s fairly certain he has them to thank for the fact that no one has taken notice of this little confrontation yet–a realization that only makes him bristle all the more. “Reconsidering that whole ‘exploding my head’ option?” they purr, reining his attention back in. Then they lean back in the booth, drumming their fingers on the table for a beat before they continue, “so how are you adjusting to life without a Hunter on your tail? I really thought you’d bail when that was all over, imagine my surprise to find you still living out your days in this little dead end of a town.”

“I can’t,” Ever spits, as if Roach should feel stupid for even asking. They don’t even flinch. “Tzr’nekre’s essence wasn’t enough to break free, I had no choice but to shove myself back down into this dimension, into this.” He presses a hand to his chest, then drags it down the fabric of his shirt like he’s trying to rid himself of some distasteful residue. The melted plastic, maybe, and not the ever-clinging concept of humanity. “Now I’m stuck here for-” he grimaces, rolling his eyes up toward the ceiling before snapping them back down to the creature in front of him. “I don’t know. Maybe forever."

Roach pouts. "You seem a little bummed out about that."

"You have no idea what this feels like, Roach, I’m not like you,” Ever bites out, rapidly losing the already shaky grip he had on his own temper. “I'm not small enough to fit in this reality, every second I spend here feels like I had to cut myself down to the right size. And I still remember what I was, I remember how much I had to cut even if I can’t remember what I lost. I can feel the holes.”

Once started, the confession comes tumbling past his lips almost against his will, but then that’s how it always went, didn’t it? All the rage boiling under his skin, all the contempt for humanity and the deep certainty that he deserved more, he deserved respect and deference–Roach was the only one who could begin to understand it. So they were the only one who ever saw the mask slip. Before their betrayal was revealed he had convinced himself that they must be sympathetic, that even if he and they existed in totally different strata, they understood that he was right, that this was unfair. Now as they watch him with a commendably mild expression, one elbow on the table and chin propped up in their hand, he can see the cold glimmer behind their eyes for what it really is and he finally understands. They just think it’s funny.

They blink once, a slow little gesture that might have seemed playful in the past. And they smile. Then at length they finally say, "sit down, Ever. I want to tell you a story."

Something in their tone puts him immediately off balance. They still sound perfectly conversational, but there’s an edge he doesn’t think he’s ever heard before, a knife against his throat telling him this is not an invitation, it’s an order. Something between them, something in the balance of power that had always seemed so obvious and natural, has just fundamentally shifted.

He sits down.

Roach doesn’t immediately start talking again. They shift in their seat, picking idly at the new and unmistakably handprint-shaped blemish on the tabletop as they make a show of looking thoughtful. Just when Ever is about to prompt them to move on, they speak of their own accord. “When this all started you asked me what I was. I wasn’t… entirely honest with you at the time.”

“No kiddi-”

“Don’t interrupt me.”

Ever snaps his mouth shut with a bitter frown. A second passes, and then a bright smile lights up Roach’s features again.

“Before all this, before Earth, I was… immense. Or I was part of something immense,” they begin, only to momentarily hesitate. “I don’t remember exactly… There were millions of us, but we were all one. Like a hive, or like… cells in a single organism. Connected. We existed to feel and learn, to experience as much of all the infinite universes as we could, and we all felt and learned and experienced as one. Knowledge and understanding and sensation gained by one of us instantly passed to all the others. It was… an indescribable existence. We were omniscient.” They hold Ever’s gaze with an intensity he finds unsettling the whole time they’re speaking, and when they pause again he gets a prickling, uneasy feeling that they’re daring him to comment. But they did say not to interrupt, and he keeps his lips pressed firmly together as he leans forward to fold his arms atop the table and wait for them to arrive at their point. Apparently satisfied, they do just that. “Then we started to die. Just winking out, one after another, over and over and over.”

A cold knot of dread settles in the pit of Ever’s stomach as the picture Roach is painting finally comes into focus. “You were being preyed on,” he breathes. Roach simply tilts their head slightly, coaxing him onward to the second half of that revelation. He grimaces. “By me.”

He had never questioned why Roach sold him out. It had seemed obvious, they had made the calculated decision that putting him in the line of fire would give them room to escape. It was a coward’s play.

“Can you imagine what it feels like to die, Ever?” they ask. Still light, still conversational. “Like to fully stop existing, not just come close? I don’t have to, you know? I know exactly what it feels like to be hunted, cornered, consumed, a million times over. I lived those deaths right along with them. And the funny thing is that’s pretty much the last thing I do remember feeling. By the time you were done and I had fallen here on Earth…” they spread their hands out, palms up, on the table. “I couldn’t feel much of anything anymore.”

Ever takes a long, slow breath and holds his silence a little longer. It makes sense. He might try to convince himself that vengefulness is a human trait, assigning too much moral weight to the instinctive actions of his kind… but that doesn’t change the facts. It doesn’t change that he wiped out an entire species simply for daring to challenge his freedom to do as he wished. It doesn’t change that Tzr’nekre followed him to earth just to tear him apart piece by piece for the crime of not dying between its teeth. It doesn’t change that he would like very much to reach across the table and finish what he started.

He closes his eyes, takes one more deep breath, then faces Roach again. “What was the goal, then? In coming back, telling me all this… what do you want from me?”

Roach laughs again, and it’s a much sharper and colder sound now. “Are you for real? Obviously I wanted you dead.”

“Okay well you didn’t get that,” Ever sneers. “So now what?”

“True,” Roach concedes with a shrug. “But if I’m being honest, all this…” they sweep their hands out to encompass the diner around them, “this little private purgatory you’ve built for yourself? it’s probably better than anything I or Tzr’nekre would have come up with.”

That’s not the direction Ever was expecting that to go. He blinks numbly at Roach for a second, then casts a hasty glance around the diner. “What?”

“You said it yourself, you’re stuck here. The one place you least wanted to be, the place you were prepared to sacrifice anything and anyone to leave. Everyone still believes you’re one of them, and you can’t prove otherwise.” Roach casts a glance at Fiama, busying herself with tidying the countertop and entirely unconcerned with Ever’s conversation. “Even the people who know, they still think you care, that you were ready to put yourself in harm’s way for them and not the other way around, and you can’t tell them any different because the one thing you do care about is being liked. You can’t bear the thought of any actual friction in your life so you’ll keep playing the perfect, charming friend and neighbor because you know it’s the closest thing to worship you’ll ever get again.” Roach leans forward, their smile turning to nothing but teeth and sharp edges. “And I for one, really hope you’ve got a long, ordinary, human life ahead of you.”

Ever’s blood runs cold in an instant. He scrambles out of the booth and several paces away from the table before finding the composure to at least pull himself up straight. “I’ll get out,” he declares, and even to his own ear it sounds like he believes it less than he ever did before.

“Maybe so, it’s good to have dreams,” Roach snickers. The look Ever shoots him probably could have curdled milk, but he turns without another word to make his way out of the diner. Not running away. No. Just nothing left to say to someone like Roach.

But it means Roach gets the last word. “But hey, in the meantime,” they call after him, “maybe I’ll see you around!”

[yeahhiyellow]

19, 22 and 23? :^)

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Tbh there are a lot of things I hate, although by this point it's only very certain parts of the fandom that have these problems, since most of the shitty people have lost interest by this point. If I had to choose just one thing though, it'd be the overwhelming focus on white, male characters over female and/or characters of color. And there are a lot of areas where this shows up. One major example is that a lot of people like the idea of Connor, Hank, Gavin, and Nines (all white, male characters, mind you) staying at the DPD even after:

The DPD was the one (along with Cyberlife) responsible for the deaths, arrests, and brutal treatment of androids, the main oppressed group in the game's world

Connor and Nines are a part of that oppressed group, and at least Hank is shown in game to support them

Connor has already worked at the DPD and was routinely called an "it" (which as someone who is nonbinary and has been called "it" knows how insulting that can be and understands the need to get away from situations where that happens), was allowed to be sent to his death by, and was routinely harassed and nearly murdered, or in some playthroughs actually murdered, by workers at the DPD (*ahem Gavin ahem*)

Hank (if he is your friend) risked his career just to cause a distraction for Connor to keep him alive

Just because the android revolution was successful doesn't mean the DPD was going to follow that. I mean, the androids were heavily compared to African Americans in this game, and we all know how the current police system treats them (and if you don't, pay attention to the news, like, ever. Also read Jim Crow as that book is very informative on the oppression of blacks in the entire incarceration system as well as before and after that)

So I hope it would be pretty obvious to any sane person that suggesting these characters would join/remain in the DPD after everything is offensive on all sorts of levels.

In addition to that, you also have some people saying that they only cared about Connor's story, or that his was the only good one. The female protagonist that risks her own life several times to save that of a child (no matter if she is human or android)? Not important. The (half) black protagonist who is shot by police, has to rebuild himself, and leads his own people to freedom? Who cares? The only important story to these people is the white, male, cop android who spends most of his time hunting down the good guys. And if some people honestly prefer Connor's story because of their own reasons, that's fine. And yes, Kara and Markus's stories have lots of problems. But Connor's does too, and none of this gives people an excuse to ignore the other characters, especially since they are the minority characters. Then, there are also the people who say Connor's machine path was better than his deviant path, or that him being replaced by Nines in the end was unfair. And... what the fuck??? I mean, I get it, it's fun to play through different options, and Connor is hella badass in the machine path. But he is also hella badass in the deviant path (killing the guards in the elevator, possibly the team at the bottom if he doesn't catch the security camera, fighting Sixty, walking in front of all the androids he freed, like, come on), and he also, like, has morals and isn't oppressive??? In the machine route, he kills his own people, including those who just want to be free and might have been completely pacifist the entire way through. So I'm sorry, anyone who thinks his machine path is better is just looking for an excuse to be oppressive without openly admitting it.

Then there's the Gavin apologizers. While fanon Gavin is awesome, some people have way overstepped the line of redemption and allowing oppression. I've seen posts defending Gavin's in-game behavior, just because he refers to androids as "he" on occasion. This is despite:

Suggesting "roughing up," or being violent to Shaolin (the HK400 in "The Interrogation")

Insulting his partner, Chris, when he doesn't forcibly move Shaolin against Shaolin's will

Pointing a gun at Connor after Connor rightfully says to stop touching Shaolin for both succeeding the mission and for Shaolin's sake, and only stepping down after Hank points a gun at him and even after insults Connor

Punching Connor right in the thirium pump regulator and then pushing his head right where his LED is in the break room if Connor refuses to get him a coffee

Insulting and threatening Connor in the same scene even if Connor follows all of his demands

Insulting Hank's alcoholism in the Eden Club "it's starting to stink of booze in here"

Purposely pushing Connor to the side in the same scene

Trying to literally murder Connor and admitting he'd wanted to kill him ever since he first saw Connor, sometimes successfully

Both physically and verbally assaulting Connor

I forgive very easily and strongly believe in redemption, don't get me wrong. But trying to excuse Gavin's behaviors is so inexcusable, especially when most of his aggressions are towards androids, the oppressed minority.

Now, let's look at Ao3, shall we? Let's see how many fics posted there are with each of the "main" (including Gavin and Nines since even though they are not main characters in canon they are in fanon) characters... (also, keep in mind, I gathered this data about a month ago so it might not be completely up to date):

Connor: 16,150

Markus: 5,395

Kara: 1,504

Hank: 13,135

Nines: 9,807

Gavin: 9,939

Amanda: 1,177

Chloe: 1,521

North: 3,056

Simon: 3,192

Josh: 1,965

Alice: 1,098

Luther: 848

Rose: 193

This means that certain characters get unequal amounts of attention:

White: 59,042

Black: 9,578

Male: 60,431

Female: 8,549

White, Male: 52,223

White, Female: 7,179

Black, Male: 8,208

Black, Female: 1,370

Well, this says a lot. Now, some people reading this might realize that there are more white and male characters to begin with, so it could be fair even with their numbers being higher. So, okay, let's see the average amount of works a single character in each of the above categories would have (so divide each of the values by the number of characters in that category) (also I rounded to the tenth place aka first decimal point):

White: 6,560.2

Black: 1,915.6

Male: 7,553.9

Female: 1,424.8

White, Male: 10,444.6

White, Female: 1,794.8

Black, Male: 2,736

Black, Female: 685

If anything, these are even more telling. And if you don't believe me, look on Ao3 and calculate these yourself, because you'll get the same thing.

To be clear, I don't have anything against Connor, Hank, or any of the white and/or male characters. I even like the way that the fandom has redeemed Gavin. But the fandom has not done the same job of redeeming other characters, especially the minority ones, and pays way less attention to them, and that needs to be called out with evidence by someone.

Anyway, I spent a LONG time on that first question, so I'll try to make the next answers shorter!

22. Popular character you hate?

There aren't any popular characters that I thoroughly hate. The only characters I hate are ones that are already highly unpopular (Todd, Zlatko, Perkins). If we're talking canon characters, I do hate Gavin with a flaming passion. I mean, he is meant to represent police brutality. But fanon Gavin is cool with me, so I'm not sure exactly how much this counts.

There is one semi-popular character that I dislike though, and that is Kamski. I'm half-counting him again because within the fandom there are very mixed opinions. I personally dislike him mainly because of his treatment of one of his Chloe's: he is willing to let her get shot in the head and killed just to find a dumb answer to his Kamski test just because he feels like it. If Connor doesn't shoot Chloe, he tells Connor he's deviant, knowing full well that Amanda and Cyberlife are watching being the one to design the program, endangering Connor. While he arguably is responsible for deviancy and wants androids to succeed, that doesn't make up for those facts.

Another character that half-counts is Daniel. There are mixed opinions within the fandom on him as well, with some arguing that he is only wanting to not get replaced and protect himself. However, since his first response was to kill the dad, and then he proceeded to shoot at least 3 more cops, killing 2, and hold Emma, the young girl he had been friends with for years hostage, even though she had nothing to do with his replacement. You can't argue that he didn't want to kill Emma and only used her as protection for himself, either, as there are multiple endings where he tries and sometimes succeeds in killing Emma, even when he is also killing himself. I'm not closed to a redemption arc for him, but his in-game actions are inexcusable. He's the one deviant who truly has no valid defense for his actions.

23. Unpopular character you love?

There are a few. I absolutely adore North, Josh, Adam, and Alice, even though the fandom has conflicted opinions on them. Then again, none of these characters are really considered unpopular, just not as popular as others with a select few that don't like them. With North, I've been in this fandom since a few months after its release, when there was a lot of North hatred, and was actually in a group called the North Protection Squad lol. However, now most people like her, and she's really grown in popularity. With Josh, it's less that he's hated, and more that he's ignored. People say that Simon was the peaceful option when he was really the neutral, and recently I've seen more people against Josh's opinions on the revolution. While I don't always agree with Josh being so passive and undemanding (neither do I agree with North's violence), he's still an awesome character with some very valid points. Then, I do understand why some people dislike Adam, as at first he's against androids and almost reveals Kara and the others. However, if you meet him at the border crossing, he apologizes to Kara and changes his mind, promising to help androids. While he may start out scared and not on the right side, he does have a good heart and ends up making the right decisions in the end. With Alice, I haven't seen many people hate her, either, although I have seen some saying she's annoying and lacks a personality. I agree that she lacks a personality, although I argue that's the writers' faults rather than her character's (as are problems with other characters, I mean David Cage wrote this so what were we expecting). I also don't think she's annoying, as after all she is only 9 (in human terms), doesn't admit she's an android because she's scared Kara will reject her (and Kara actually can reject her for being an android, leaving her completely on her own in a world that wants her dead. Also, living her whole life with Todd can absolutely not help her feel more secure with who she is or make her trust Kara to still love her for it), and she is only cold and feels sick because her model of android is literally designed to replicate human sickness and discomfort (and it's clear she doesn't know how to turn them off, because even after Kara knows she's an android Kara still has to help Alice not feel cold anymore. Also, this is November in Detroit, in which the average temperature is 42°F (5.6°C). There are also scenes where it is snowing, meaning the temperature is below freezing. Still, despite the temperatures, in some scenes not having a coat, and feeling sick, she says Kara and Luther can't stop because of her, risks her life to save Kara's if you fail QTEs, and says she's "fine" even when she's cold to comfort Kara. So if you think she can be annoying, yeah, all 9-year-olds can be. But if you think she's annoying enough to actually hate her, idek what to say).

In terms of characters that are really unpopular, I actually like Leo. His actions at first are inexcusable. I mean, accusing Carl of loving an android more than hin, insulting Markus and treating him as less than human, threatening him, breaking into Carl's house and attempting to steal his paintings for drug money, and framing Markus for Carl's death leading to him getting shot and nearly killed are obviously not okay things to do. However, he is clearly on drugs, specifically red ice, the most dangerous drug in the world. Also, if you decide to push Markus leading Carl to still be alive, when you return to Carl's house, you can find a message Leo sent to Carl in which he apologizes for everything and promises it won't happen again. In the extras section, you also find out Carl missed out on Leo's whole childhood, only first meeting him once he was much older. Given that Carl spends all of his days pleasantly conversing with Markus while ignoring Leo, not calling him, only talking to Leo once he comes around himself, and doesn't even argue when Leo says Carl doesn't love him, it's almost fair that Leo thinks the way he does. Since he's also high on drugs throughout the story, at least up until Markus gets shot, we also know that the Leo we see isn't the real Leo. Later, if Carl is dead and Markus visits his grave, he encounters Leo again. This time, when Leo sees Markus he is only shocked. Now, off of red ice, not only is he going to see Carl's grave, expressing love for his father, he also doesn't try to hurt Markus, insult him, or anything mean or dehumanizing. His expression lacks any signs of aggression. It was only when he was high that he was such an asshole. Although that doesn't excuse his behavior, it does give a reason for it, and by the end I consider him redeemed.

~~~

Wow... that was a long response to a very short ask. No need to read all that (although I would highly suggest reading my first answer, at least, since that does contain some very relevant points). Although then again, if you've made it here, you've probably already read all that. In which case I would love to hear your opinions if you're willing to share (as well as anyone who sees this!) I guess I just had a lot of opinions that I needed to put out in the world lol, so thank you sm for the ask!!!!! 💛💛💛

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 2)

Here we’ve got asks that aren’t to ask a question but are just really nice messages. Thank you all for sending us such kind comments ;v;. It’s seriously heartwarming to see so many people having good experiences with the game. I don’t even know what to say to such sweet responses.

We’ll keep doing our best and thank you again to each and every one of you for giving Our Life a chance ❤!

Hello! I've been following this account and have been following the development of 'Our Life' for a few months now, and I just wanted to say thank you for all your hard work and dedication you have put into the game. It astonishes me how much choice you have during the sequence of Our Life and am excited to play the full version now, I am downloading it as I write this message. I've had a great time seeing the demo transition into to the full game and just wanted to write two words. Thank you.

Anhhhhffbgdfbhujk!!! Congratulations on the release, I’m playing the game right now! Thank you all for your hard work and I can’t wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out, I’ll probably wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out to experience everything, but until then, I still have a lot to play. Thank you once again!

finished my first playthrough just now. it just felt so wholesome ??? 100/10 would do it again. i laughed. i cried. i got angry. i felt second-hand embrassment— i got so into it i was left in literal tears after getting my first ending. the art, the storyline, the music, and COVE HOLDEN– UGH IT WAS LITERAL PERFECTION ❤ THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT. THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN AMAZING GAME 🥺😭 this made my 2020 better, i can't wait for step 4 in 2021 ❤❤

So I was following you guys on itchio for years and uhh did I stay up til 6 am on a school night to finish the game? Yes. Did I sob my eyes out during step 3 as a 20 year old having doubts about life and adulthood? Absolutely. I can't form proper sentences right now due to lack of sleep but just wanted to say thank you for making it. I honestly feel lighter and I feel like it changed my views on future to be more optimistic... I can't wait to replay it! Thanks again!

I love how Our Life turned out!! I keep replaying it and can't stop squeaking and giggling!! Thank You for creating it ♥

okay i have actually fallen in love with cove and cannot WAIT to marry him 😭

Hi! I played through 'Our Life' yesterday and  I just wanna say how refreshing it was to be able to have Cove be 'high initiative' and also have so many opportunities to initiate affection from the player character! As a pretty flirtatious/affectionate person myself, I notice that a lot of VNs don't give players that agency, and affection can be kinda 'carrot on a stick' if that makes sense. You guys did an awesome job! I look forward to seeing if there are more of those moments in Step 3 & 4 :)

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the option to choose Cove's level of initiative in step 3! As much I love the option to choose I personally enjoy have the romanced character take the lead without my input so when I got to step 3 and had to option to make it so that Cove initiated affection without as much input from me I was really happy! You guys seriously added so much freedom in terms of choices, it's almost baffling that the only thing you have to pay for is optional DLC!

I absolutely loved everything about the game and I really want congratulate the team for making the game such a satisfying experience.

I look forward to step 4

❤️❤️❤️❤️

* and sorry for my bad English

Just finished my first play through and I loved it! I've been looking forward to the game and it definitely was worth the wait. Thank you all for your hard work and can't wait for the extra dlc!

Till then, hope you guys gets some well deserved rest🤗

Love you guys, thank you so much for your hard work. :)

Ok, so I just finished Our Life and, wow. I have never cried at a video game before, ever. Thank you so, so much! Its one of my favorites.

this isn't a question, but i just wanted to say how much i enjoyed our life 🥺 i've been patiently looking forward to the full game for a few months now, and i couldn't be happier with it! i've only played through it once so far but the outcomes of the choices i made were all so soft and wholesome 💗 i can tell that everyone who was involved really worked hard and you all did an incredible job! i can't wait to see what else is in store 👍

i’d just like to say how addictive our life is!!! i constantly played it during quarantine and now playing the full release is so amazing to me!! i love that i’m still discovering dialogue bits with different personalities and actions!!! i have to admit that i’ve been wishing the day to pass faster all day during school so i could go home and play again. mentally i’m not the healthiest and our life being released has boosted it up so much, thank you for creating such an amazing game!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna say I played our life two times and it still give me the same feelings. I was really looking forward to this game before it came out and I kept on replaying the demo. This game is such an amazing experience and I feel so happy playing it. I am not really a person good with words unfortunately but I do honestly love this more than anything in the world. Thank you for making it and I hope that you will continue to make more games like our life. This game really makes me happy and I can't thank you enough

Just wanted to say that Our Life really made me feel seen as an 18 year old trans man who's been struggling with change as of late and I can't thank you guys enough for it. I just finished the main story and currently released DLC's and gosh, I can really only say... woah. Just, woah. The messages are somehow exactly what I needed to hear right now, and they brought me a lot of comfort in this really weird and confusing time in my life. Can't wait to see what comes next in this lovely story <3

I am honestly in love with Our Life. The graphics, the soundtrack its just *chef's kiss* It was so worth the wait for it. I can't wait for step 4. Keep up the good work GB Patch!

good people i have just finished Our Life and let me say, it was beautiful. rarely have such non-fantastical moments (and even some fantastical moments) brought me to tears like this game has, and i don't even have the dlc (yet). i don't know how you did it but it felt like i was playing a slice of life anime. i had waited with baited breath to play this since i played the demo and my expectations were not just met but surpassed. from the bottom of my heart thank you for this game

I found the game by chance and I am so so glad I did. It’s so inclusive and made me feel so incredibly seen. Seeing that my gender identity and sexuality were possible just meant the absolute world to me. I’ve never seen something like this and it just made me so incredibly happy. Thank you for the absolutely amazing game and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Hello! I downloaded Our life earlier this week and I'm only now getting the chance to play it (Very busy and stressful week) I'm so excited to play and I wanna say thank you for making this adorable game!

I just finished my first playthrough of Our Life and I can't even express how much I love it. Cove is absolutely precious and has killed me several times, and the art and soundtrack is beautiful. I love all the small different choices. I'm very interested in the Derek and Baxter DLCs and the rest, can't wait!!!!!!

thank you for "Our Life Beginnings & Always" it has to be one of the best visual novels i ever have played and i just dont want it to end (i know it will, but damn it! i want to have a wedding night, have children and die of old age with cole! XD) when i play it it always makes me tear up (in a good way) and i am most definetly going to buy all the dlc that you make! thank you for this lovely game and all the work that went into it! (ps: i also loved "lake of voices" )

You guys are incredibly talented and im very proud of you all! You've really outdone yourselves w/ OL and i cant wait to see whats next to come for you all :)

i really love that you can be trans in Our Life! not a lot of games do that so i just wanted to say thank you!

Guuyyss!! I just wanna say! Thank you sm for the headscarf option in the MC creator! I especially loved that little detail where MC quickly slips the headscarf on before greeting Cove, I've never felt so immersed :'D Not that the rest of the game wasn't immersive btw, but since I wear my hijab most of the time that little addition really felt like something I would do! So thank you for that <3

I've been watching "Our Life: Beginnings & Always" development for quite some time, and I gotta say its wild to see it finally release. Its so unique in the way relationships work- even character creation. I've cried multiple times over this game while playing. I can't thank y'all enough for a game with these kind of mechanics, and representation. its rare I get to feel im really playing as myself in games like these. Everyones outdone themselves. this'll certainly be one I keep coming back to.

I've been following the development of Our Life from way back when the first demo dropped and it still blows my mind how many choices and customizations there are (love that update for the MC's bedroom btw!) and the fact that the game remembers them - it really feels like your very own coming of age story! I was so immersed I cried at the end :') Can't believe I experienced this game for free lol. I can't wait for future DLCs and Step 4! Good luck with all your upcoming projects dev team!!

Just wanted to say I love Our Life and I'm thankful it exists. Thank you so much! I love the little world you created and all the people in it. Especially Cove! This game makes me so happy!

Just poping in to say hi and that ilu guys ^^, remember to take care of yourselves!

Hi!! I just wanna thank you for creating such an amazing game. Our Life is one of the few dating sims I’ve found that let’s me be a male mc, it’s really hard to find dating sims that let me be gay. Our Life is my new favorite dating sim to just sit down and playthrough whenever I’m having a bad day so I just wanted to let y’all know how much I appreciate all you’ve done. 🤍

Fan from australia here

Just wanted to reach out and let you know how important this game has been to me. I came across it at a really rough time ( that I’m still going through ) and it’s been one of the things that’s driven me to get up and out of bed sometimes.

This game and cove both hold a very special place in my heart and I can’t wait to see more of him in the DLC and Step 4

Much love ♥️

I know this isnt exactly the main focus of the game, but i really love how we can customise the mc personality wise! This is the first time i've played a game like this where the mc actually does and says exactly what I would do and say in certain situations and its such a breath of fresh air!! It's also so cool how the other characters can pick up on it!!

Cove Holden saved 2020 (my 2020 anyways) I would die for him

Sorry for this being out of the blue, but after playing through Our Life I wanted to thank you for the experience. I don’t know if I’ve ever played a game that has made me cry happy tears TWICE lol. It’s beautiful, scenic, inclusive, and absolutely amazing..have a great rest of 2020 and I honestly cannot wait for the rest of it :,) (ps. The ending song is stuck in my head)

I think you guys might've ruined visual novels for me forever. I'm not sure I'll be able to play another without comparing it to Our Life and I know if I do that I'll be disappointed every time because of how amazing it is. I bought the DLCs before playing the base game it's one of the best impulsive purchases I've ever made

Thank you so much for making our life! It's my favorite visual novel ever and I just can't articulate how much being able to just be honest with my responses instead of going for whatever would make the love interest happy means to me? I reccomended it to evry friend I have that plays visual novels because this is the best one I've ever played!

Just wanted to say that I absolutely adore this game! The childhood friends tropes is my favorite thing and this game delivers! Cove is the sweetest thing, infact all the boys are good boys. Super excited for all upcoming dlcs!

Hi, I just want to thank you for making such an amazing game like Our Life. Tbh, I was following the game’s development for a while, but me and my family moved away from my childhood town just a few days before release, so I really connected to this game. You all did amazing!

hey just wanted to know that i completely loved ol: b&a and it was so good and love cove more than i’ve liked any fictional character, it’s now my comfort media. thank you so much

hi i just wanna say i really enjoyed all of the representation in our life b&a! there were characters with a lot of different body shapes, pic characters, lgbtq+ characters, and you get to choose your own pronouns and sexuality!!! so tysm!!

This isn't a question, I just wanted to say that Our Life is incredible. Ever since I finished it, I've been looking for other visual novels to play so I don't play OL so often that I start memorizing the lines before all the DLC comes out, but I keep coming back to it. It's really one of a kind, I think you all ruined other visual novels for me because I haven't enjoyed another VN like I have this one since I read it ❤.

i think our life b&a is the first game where i felt like cove loved me, not the character i play as which is really nice for someone with kinda low self esteem so THANK YOU

I’ve been playing Our Life practically nonstop since yesterday. I just want everyone who worked on it to know how much the LGBTQ inclusivity means to me. As a closeted trans ace guy in an unsupportive household, I can’t emphasize how much of a comfort this game has been to me. Everything about it is so wholesome and heartfelt. I’m excited to see what other games you make in the future 💙

- A demibiromantic ace transgender man who may or may not have cried over the option to be myself in a game for the first time ever

Csn i just say i really appreciate how you handled MC deciding to use they/them at different stages. Mainly because alot of games don't pay much attention to the body the mc was assigned at birth if they player chooses nonbinary like it does with male/female. And it was just nice to be able to play an mc who just thought gender was kinda 'meh' for them but still felt good about the body they were born with (like myself). I guesd it boils down I'm really appreciative of the hard work it must've taken for you to make all those options possible & still have them matter.

I just wanted to thank you all for Our Life. My mental health hasn't been in a good place recently and it has become my favorite form of escapism/way to cheer up. It's idyllic setting and fantastic characters are such a good way to wind down, I love it. Also, I've been dreading 2021 due to classes starting and general stress, but the DLC and your next project have given me something to actually look forward to :). I'm so excited for them and now I actually have a reason to be happy that it's 2021. Sorry if this message is a bit weird, I just wanted to thank the team for their hard work and for creating something so incredible <3

I've gotta say this is one of the most repayable games I've ever played, if not the most. Usually after i do a playthrough or two of a game i have to wait awhile before playing again otherwise it feels stale. But i haven't had that problem with our life because of the sheer ammount of player agency. Everyone who works on tbe game should feel incredibly proud of themselves because you've created something amazing.

I just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. I'm sure you get this a lot, but it really pulled me out of a mentally tough spot in my life. So thank you.

who needs therapy when you have our life: beginnings and always? haha no but seriously this game is my comfort game, and even though i can’t join your patreon at the moment please know i am always supporting you and i am so excited to see everything you have in store! everyone who works on the games is so so talented

All DLCs have nice content. 😡😡

And I love them all!!💗💗💗💖💖💖💕💕💕

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Reasons Doug’s Pretty Great

It’s hard to believe that it’s been nine years since the first episode of S1 was released. I can still remember be a wee little lass first discovering it on youtube and becoming obsessed. At the time, I had no where to play it myself, so I watched as many playthroughs as I could until my family got an xbox. 

While the first episode in this series has a lot of memorable moments, the one that always stands out in people’s memories is the moment where you’re trying to escape the drugstore as walkers pound away at the door and windows, and you realize that both Carley and Doug need your help or they’re going to die. 

But... you can only save one, and whoever you don’t help, they end up being eaten alive by walkers and you get to feel bad about it for the rest of the episode. 

I bring this up because it’s interesting to look back nine years ago and see that... well, not a lot of people saved Doug. Which is crazy, because now the stats are pretty 50/50 with Doug even having a bit of an edge over Carley. That definitely wasn’t the case back then because the stats were more along the line of 20/80.

Why? Well, the writer’s didn’t exactly do the best job of showing how great Doug is in ep1, especially compared to Carley who has more interactions with Lee and more screen time.... which is even funnier because they did actually think they did a good job and were surprised by the results after the episode’s release.

Even back then they had a habit of making imbalanced routes then denying the imbalance... something they never grew out of. 

I guess they were a little butthurt about it since Doug is a favorite among the team given that he’s actually based on a real person, Doug Tabacco, an IT guy they worked with. This got to the point where Telltale never missed an opportunity to tell everyone to #SaveDoug over Carley.

I also love that they use the Stranger to guilt trip everyone who saved Carley by having him be like, “Doug was in a worse position! >:( You only saved Carley because she was a pretty girl!!” just.... real subtle, guys haha

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that more often than not, I choose to save Carley over Doug for many reasons, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate Doug and enjoy having him around in the off chance I do save him. So I thought it’d be fun to talk about Doug as a character and why he was pretty great as a little tribute, y’know? 

5. Doug’s a pretty funny dude

Now, I wouldn’t exactly call twdg a comedy, y’know? It gets dark, then manages to get even darker at times, but if the game was nothing but doom and gloom, it’d get boring and become unenjoyable. 

While other characters do get a laugh out of me from time to time, I enjoy the humor that Doug brings to the group, even if it’s not intentional and just the way he is. 

Even from the beginning, Doug had me chuckling with the fact that this nerdy dude didn’t want to bring profanity to Lee’s ears when talking about Larry, so he’s just like “ He's kind of a dick... pardon my french,” like Doug.... it’s okay, you can call him an asshole, no one will judge hahaha.

Then there’s the biscuit scene that I think we all know and love. Helps break the tension of meeting these weirdo’s who own a dairy and are totally not suspicious or anything. 

But it’s not even just that Doug is funny, he’s also a character that gets you to crack a smile when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about, or when he’s proud of the alarm he rigged up, or when he’s being adorably awkward. 

One of my favorites is in ep3 when Lee goes to ask Doug if he has any chalk, and he goes into this spiel about charcoal-- “You know, a piece of charcoal is a suitable alternative, depending on your marking surface. Since we're on the subject, did you know that while chalk is traditionally known to be calcium carbonate, what's often used in classrooms is actually made of gypsum, thanks to favorable domestic mining conditions?”

And Lee’s response is just-- “Doug, I did not know that.”

“Happy to be of service.”

It’s just really funny... and it makes you feel better after all the implications about Doug’s mental health in the episode... like you gave him a moment to flex his knowledge and get excited about it. 

But yeah, what can I say? Doug makes me laugh and he brings a bit of light to the groups constant shitshow. 

4. Doug saved the group’s ass at the St John farm

And he did so with a laser pointer. 

I always hate it when Doug/Carley leave the group at the St Johns and remain absent for most of the episode, though I chalk that up to the writers trying to make the different routes easier on themselves, y’know? 

But, at least they come back to save the day. 

In Doug’s case, he’s not comfortable with guns like Carley is, so he’s gotta get creative when it comes to getting Lee’s attention and stopping Andy from hurting Duck and Lee. 

That’s where his fancy little laser pointer comes in. 

We first see him with it during the walk to the farm, but then see it in action after Lee escapes the barn and is nearly blinded by the light. Doug claims he was doing morse code before Lee tells him and Ben that these assholes cut off Mark’s legs and tried to feed them to the group. 

Now, here’s the thing... If Doug and Ben had done what they were told and stayed at the motor inn over night, things probably wouldn’t have turned out so good for the group. Doug is the one who shines the laser pointer in Andy’s eyes when he’s got ahold of Duck, giving Lee the advantage of attack. Without that, if Lee tried anything, he would’ve ended up like dingdong Kenny with a bullet in his side. 

Also there’s just a lot of bravery from Doug, y’know? Like as soon as he finds Lee and knows the situation, the first thing he asks is what can they do to help, and he sticks around to do what he can.... even if it is just to point a laser in someone’s eye. 

No one gives Doug enough credit for savin’ the day, y’know? And if you have any doubt, even Lee says, “I never thought a laser pointer would be the thing that saved our lives.”

3. Doug’s friendship with Lee

Speaking of Lee, his friendship with Doug is underrated. The two have chemistry and work off each other well in the scene’s they’re in. While it’s not as strong as Carley’s in ep1, saving Doug and having around in ep2 & ep3 lets you see it at it’s best, y’know? 

After Lee saves his life at the drugstore, Doug is shown to mourn Carley and asks Lee why he would pick him, lamenting that he wished he had picked her over him and you can tell that Doug feels that he owes Lee a lot for saving him. Hell, he even says as much when Lee tries to give him food in ep2-- “Why don't you keep my share today. I know I said it didn't matter why you saved me and not Carley, but... I owe you a lot more than half a day's rations."

Also, I love this one line from Kenny when you’re on bad terms with him and they’re talking about going separate ways where he’s basically like “We all know Doug’s gonna stay with you because you saved him that ONE time >:(” and on top of it being such a bitchy Kenny line, it also shows that every can see that Doug is a loyal friend to Lee and would want to stick with him where ever he decides to go. 

One thing that I think people tend to overlook, though, is how concerned Lee is with Doug’s mental health in ep3. There are implications that Doug might be suffering with depression due to the situation of the walkers, bandits harrassing and threatening them, and believing that he isn’t useful to the group, stating that he feel pretty worthless. Lee asks Clementine if he seems sad, and hell, he even talks to Lilly about it.

In fact, speaking of Clementine, Doug is real sweet with her, too. Of course, he gives her those batteries for her walkie, but he also asks about how she’s doing as they’re leaving the dairy. Hell, 8 years later, Clementine still remembers him by name and how sweet he was when fucking dingdong Lilly can’t remember his damn name. That says a lot. 

Y’all know how important Clementine is to Lee, so he wouldn’t have grown as close to Doug if he wasn’t a genuinely good person who treated Clementine with kindess. 

I dunno, there’s a lot of trust and care between the two and it’s a relationship that I truly love. I just wish we could’ve seen a bit more of it but y’know...#2 happened. 

2. Doug saved Ben’s life

Yeah, I think we all saw this coming...

Look, doesn’t matter what you think about Ben, okay? Not what we’re talkin’ about. We’re talkin’ about Doug saving Ben’s life, which unfortunately meant ending his own.

Still haven’t forgiven Lilly for this one. Though I’ve always found the difference between Doug and Carley’s death’s interesting. With Carley, Lilly intentionally kills her after Carley tells her off. But with Doug, Lilly was aiming for Ben and even when Doug pulled him out of the way, she still fired the gun... even though she didn’t have a clear shot and ended up hitting Doug. 

Then she tries to play it off like it was an accident which, yeah I guess it was but that doesn’t change that you were intending to murder this 6ft tall child. 

It’s just... I dunno, man, it’s sad. I always feel more sorrow for Doug’s death, but more anger for Carley’s? Even though both make me angry, it’s just different characters, different things that led to their deaths, different feelings. This is the first real “Fuck you, Lilly” moment for me and she can spend the next 8 years wandering around for all I can. 

Doug didn’t deserve this shit. 

But, the reason I put this at #2 because it really says a lot about Doug as a character. The second he saw Lilly aim that gun, he yanked Ben out of the way. He could’ve gone into shock, he could’ve just yelled “no!”, or he could’ve gone at Lilly instead.... but no, his first instinct was to grab Ben and move himself in front and it really fucking sucks that that’s what killed him. 

And y’know this isn’t the first time Doug has put himself in danger to save someone. I already talked about him saving everyone at the dairy, but can we not forget how he and Carley met? She was gonna get eaten by walkers then our big hero Doug came in and saved her?? Didn’t know her or anything, just saw her and her crew getting attacked and did what he could to save any survivors?? 

Like... no one talks about that because it’s so played off and never brought up again and I need everyone to remember this, okay? 

Doug selflessly putting himself in danger to help those around him? Fantastic. Beautiful. Love that.

1. Look, Doug himself is just #1. His personality, intelligence, everything.

Wow, Doug’s personality being the #1 reason he’s so great? Who woulda thought?

Well, ME woulda thought because obviously.

Listen... in case you haven’t gather this from the previous four entries, Doug is an intelligent, awkward, caring, selfless, funny, and brave man, okay? He’s likable, he tries his damnedest to pull his weight for the group, he shows actual loyalty and kindness unlike some people, and when he tends to avoid the constant Lilly and Kenny conflicts, he does his best to step in when things take a serious turn, hence the Ben situation. 

No to mention the dude is smart. 

I mean, he really took a random remote and was like, “Oh it’s universal, let me just program it to work on ALL the random TV’s across the street as a way to distract these walkers!” like dude.... you just know how to do that, huh? 

Or his fun little bell trap that alerts the groups of strangers and walkers? Oh, and remember when he fixed the RV by hitting it with a fucking hammer and was like “It works now, drive!” 

And have I mentioned that he bested Andy St John with a goddamn laser pointer?? 

Oh, also wanna add that I really like his voice acting, as well. He’s voiced by Sam Joan, who does a good job at selling Doug’s soft-spoken but intelligent nature, and knows how to pull off “dorky” when needed... and I mean that in a good way, when he’s talking about charcoal Doug is being a dork and I love him.

I mean... what else is there to say?

All that’s left to do is pull a Telltale and--

#SaveDoug

---

Honorable Mentions

-Doug is a pie guy, going off of that time he named all the different kinds of pie he could thing of and I feel that.  -He’s a very fashionable person. I want that weird polar bear deer thing shirt he wears in ep1.  -also, you can’t go wrong with socks and sandals, my dude.  -He had a crush on Carley and honestly, I feel that, too. 

---

There it is, there’s my whole thing about Doug. What are your thoughts? When it comes to that choice in ep1 of s1, do you save Doug or do you save Carley? Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices for this list? Or have anything to add? I’m always down to chat.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

—

Next week’s T5F

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #461

“this city looks so pretty, do you wanna burn it with me?”

Have you ever wanted a Nikon camera? Or do you have one already? My camera before the one I have now was a Nikon D3200. I use a Canon now. Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? A friend. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I have it, but I barely use it nowadays. I use it to edit photos for character profiles or profile pictures, add a watermark for my actual photography, and I used to make Mark-oriented gifs like crazy. They mostly did really well, so... I might wanna get back into that and get That Sweet Validation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? No. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? None, I think. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression. Can you tolerate children for a long period of time? NO. Have you ever lived with someone you felt thoroughly uncomfortable around? No. Are you into dubstep? Yeah, I tend to enjoy it. Zelda or The Sims games? Can I pick neither? lol I don't feel very much at all for The Sims, and Zelda games have always looked... boring to me? Like I've watched most of the Game Grumps' playthroughs of all the games, and they make it hilarious of course, but the games themselves? Nah. Are you terrible at assigning bands their proper genre? YES YES YES YES YES YES. Even in my preferred category, that being metal, FUCK if I know the sub-genre. Have you ever made out in a closet? No, that shit sounds claustrophobic as hell. Have you ever been to a laser tag place? Yeah, on a triple-date once! It was SO fun. How do you wanna celebrate your next birthday? Have a couple friends over, pig out at The Cheesecake Factory. o3o Do you tease your parents about them being old? No, especially not Mom. She's self-conscious about getting older. Are you in love with someone? "In love" is a bit too far, buddy. But I love someone. Have you ever ridden a unicycle? No. Have you ever wanted a pet bunny? I was VERY serious about getting a lop-eared bunny for quite a while, but we just couldn't afford to adopt one (even off Craigslist) and get a cage for it, toys, etc. Are the bottom of your feet clean? I HATE seeing the bottom of my feet. Not because they're dirty, but because it's Callus City. I ain't even fuckin jokin'. Do you like really salty food? Yeah. :x When’s the last time you bled a lot? Well, I just recently finished my cycle after not menstruating for three or four MONTHS, so you can figure that one out. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yeah. I like to know exactly when it's coming. Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes to both. When you’re done eating finger foods, do you usually lick your fingers? Usually kasdjlf;kalsdjf shut up ok I like food. What’s the most racist thing you have ever said? As a little kid, when my really good friend (a neighborhood kid, even) asked if he thought we'd be a good couple, I told him no because "blacks and whites don't date" or something like that. It was an idea I'd never been exposed to before; the idea was so foreign to little kid me. I had no idea I was being racist. It ended in a small fight and we didn't talk for a few days 'til he came to my house telling Mom that he had to "be a man" and fix this and if that ain't the cUTEST SHIT RIGHT THERE. We were friends again after that. He's still on my Facebook, and he actually semi-recently got married! :') Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? No. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Does weed smell good? Or no? Ugh, no. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? Successful and happy she kept pushing. Mama to so many reptiles that are blessed with the best lives possible in human care. Got at least one amazing book out there. If she's reading this, you've fucking got this. <3 Would you like to have twins? Mother of fucking god, no. Even if I WANTED kids, do fucking not give me twins. Who was the last person you got into an argument with? My mom. Want to have kids before you’re 30? Once again, I don't want kids, but IF I did, that'd be preferable before the risk of birth defects and other issues climb with age. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My older sister has my initial. Do you think somebody’s in love with you? No. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? Yes, I genuinely do. Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Miss Tobey, our friend and landlord. Does anyone like you? Welp... I hope he still does. Guess we'll figure that out soon. What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? VIA Facebook? Probably my friend Lyndsey. She likes to comment on stuff I share. Do you want to fall in love? I do, but I'm also utterly horrified to and risk being hurt again. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No. Once I realized I was so deeply into Girt, all other romantic feelings kinda just... poofed. How was your last break up? Civil and done with both of our best interests in mind. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say? Probably the first time I admitted I needed to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was so, so scared of what it was going to be like. What is the hardest thing you NEEDED to hear? That if Jason wasn't happy with me, he had every right to move on. She was right. Do you treat yourself well? No... but I'm trying to change that. What was the last song you sang out loud to? This "Set Fire to the Rain" cover. Do you take good pictures? I think I do? Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? Holy shit, so much, especially when it comes to morality and political stances. I am now a massive supporter and member of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm pro-trans rights, pro-choice... I've done like a dozen 180s in a lot of topics. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? I mean, some doctors, but no one in my truly personal life. Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Yes: my cousin. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? LAKSDJFKLA;JWD NEVER AND I PRAY TO THE HOLY LORD THAT I NEVER DO. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not massively? Like literally everyone gets them and is natural and inevitable. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? I know one alcoholic, and one that's probably borderline. I also have two friends who are extremely addicted to weed. Look me in the eyes and say it's not an addictive substance and I wouldn't believe you one bit. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? Eh, sometimes World of Warcraft. Some days I'm really into it, and others I barely touch it. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have no clue. I don't even remember movies that were made *for* Disney exclusively. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. We have a friend from the dance studio mow the lawn. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? My iPod has a whole live album of Ozzy. Did you or do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Both did and do. Britney is a boss bitch. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? No, but I've seen some of that P!nk music video of the song and it brings out the Gay in me. Do you have a key to anything besides your house? No. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I've done that before. I miss doing puzzles... Have you ever been to any sort of convention? I went to a reptile expo with Sara!! I REALLY want to go to another when my legs are stronger and can handle standing and walking so much. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom. Have you ever tried to walk on a moving vehicle and fallen over? No????? What is your favourite kind of bread? Is there any of that in your house? Pumpernickel. No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I played the flute all through middle school and I wanna say half of HS. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? Never even been to one. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? I think once for some reason I don't recall? What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men, probs. Or chocolate bunnies!!! :') How do you feel right now? My stomach is KILLING me. I'm super excited though that Girt is coming over tomorrow. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. What would you like your generation to change? How we treat nature. Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? No. I learned that is a very unhealthy mentality to have. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I just hate carrots. What restaurant did you last go out to dinner at with friends? With friends? I couldn't even guess. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays? It has an ice maker. Do you have a favorite sibling, if any? No; I love them all. Do you have a favorite brand of clothing? I STAN CLOAK. How’s the love life? Something new might start tomorrow. I think it will. Do you watch the news? No; that shit is depressing. Who do you admire most? Mark. Do you have a favorite album? Black Rain by Ozzy Osbourne takes the cake and always will.

[eloarei]

In lighter news... Ah, well, actually it’s just because I’ve been trying to distract myself. Anyway, I’ve been playing video games pretty incessantly this past week or two. See, I usually have a bunch of games sitting around on my PS4 that are half-finished, or I downloaded and never played. So right now I’m sitting here waiting for Mass Effect to come out, so I decided I’d try to knock a few of them out. And since I’m here, I may as well chat about them a bit.  In rough order of my beating them recently:  Assassin’s Creed 3: 

(Ziio~~! I love Ziio. Haytham too.) Man, it took me 9 years to beat this game. Actually, that’s why I never played any of the recent AC games. But now I’m done, so I can move on! This is a really different game from previous AC games, but also very nice in ways. Connor (or  Ratonhnhaké:ton) is a pretty cool protag; I like his no-nonsense nature but how he’s also just a little bit of a dork. His design is cool too, and I liked that some scenes took place in his native language.  The Tyranny of King Washington DLC was actually pretty great too. The eagle flight thing was a game-changer.  Of course, I couldn’t talk about AC3 without mentioning Haytham, Connor’s dad. Finding out he was a templar was totally ‘Top Ten Video Game Betrayals’ lol. 

Greedfall: 

I started this game with no idea about it, and I found I liked it quite a lot. It’s a little bit in the same vein as Dragon Age. Gameplay-wise it definitely has some similarities, though the characters aren’t quite as likeable. I was fond of the natives, although the politics got a bit tiring. The ending was... somewhat predictable, though I don’t know what I would have suggested doing otherwise. Little phrases from the natives’ language are gonna be stuck in my head forever from how much they said them, like ‘on ol menawi’ and ‘carants’. 

Final Fantasy 7 Remake: 

Like every other FF7 fan, I was nervous about this, but I’m really happy with how it turned out! The gameplay was pretty good; the expanded story was nice; the characters were fantastic. I loved how they turned out. The English was so much more natural than a lot of dubs/translations feel, and some of their lines were genuinely funny. I liked just about everyone. Oh my god but little Marlene? Literally so cute that I wanted to cry every time she talked. So cute. Best little kid I’ve ever seen in a game.  Really looking forward to the next one! Literally I think the only thing I didn’t like about this one (compared to the original FF7) was that max-leveling a materia doesn’t spawn a new one, and that there’s only 1 ‘All/Magnify’. Maybe having more would be too over-powered. 

Manual Samuel: 

A much smaller game, and probably the most amusingly frustrating game I’ve ever played. Rich entitled Samuel dies, and Death says he’ll bring him back to life if he can survive one day doing everything manually. Which means you have to breathe, blink, and move both feet and hands separately. And talking is a nightmare. Of course then you also have to fight robots. TBH it’s really fun and very stupid-funny, but it made me scream. Highly recommended if you can get it for 50 cents like I did.  Little Acre: 

Another short game, Little Acre is a very cute point-and-click adventure about a single dad raising his little daughter in a cottage they share with grandpa, who happens to have made a portal to another world. It’s all hand-drawn adorable animation, cute voice acting, and typical point-click puzzles. Another 50 cent recommendation!   Control: 

This is the game I’m on currently, and I’m enjoying it a lot, even though I’ve had to use more walkthroughs than I like to admit. It’s very spooky, and I’m not good at spooky games! XD; But the more powerful you get, the less the shadows and enemies scare you. It is very ‘Lovecraft Cosmic Horror’, though most people don’t consider it a horror game. Wherever it’s creepy, it’s usually a little funny too, and just... strange. The powers you get are pretty cool, but my favorite thing is the main character Jesse: she frequently says exactly what you’re thinking! (For example: “ ‘Alright, time to clean up,’ she says, as she pulls out her gun.”) She’s very genre savvy and it makes the whole odd affair seem friendly in a way.  I haven’t beaten the game yet, but I’m close. I’ve avoided most spoilers. although I know just enough that I’m excited about a couple points I haven’t gotten to yet.  Another very recommended game, if you like semi-spooky shooters, government conspiracy, and some tough optional boss battles. Might even be worth watching a playthrough if you can’t play it yourself.  Have you played any of these games? What did you think of them? =] 

[theladyofdeath]

Heat of the Moment {Elorcan}

Some Lorcan + Elide angst written alongside the LOML, @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty​

Enjoy and here’s a tissue.

Prompt: “I fucked up” + “you need to leave”

Elide should have seen it coming. 

She couldn’t get the scene out of her head, couldn't erase what she had walked in on the night before.

Lorcan, jeans hanging below his hips, his hands gripping whatever lied beneath her hiked up skirt. And Elide, who stood there with her mouth hanging open as she watched out of utter shock. The girl’s back was pressed up against the wall,   her beautiful eyes fluttered shut as Lorcan pushed himself in and out.

They wouldn’t have even known Elide had walked in if it weren’t for the pitiful noise that tumbled from her mouth.

She shouldn’t be jealous.

It’s not like they were together.

But they should have been.

Elide and Lorcan were meant to be together. They knew it. Everyone knew it. But they had danced around it for years, claiming they didn’t want to mess up their friendship.

Friends.

He was her best friend.

He was the love of her life.

And now, the morning after she caught him fucking some random chick from the bar, Elide was hurt and utterly mortified. 

She had gone to him to give them a chance, to tell him what he meant to her, to tell him that she loved him.

She hadn’t heard from him since.

She’d laid there all night, staring at the ceiling. She hadn’t shut her eyes for more than a blink, because every time she did, she would see them, bodies moving together. Her television was turned up to max volume, a movie she’d seen a hundred times playing on repeat. If it wasn’t, and she sat there in the silence of the night, she could still hear the girl’s whimpering moans. But worse, she could still hear the growl of her name falling from his lips as he noticed her.

“Elide, shit….”

But she was gone before he could even put her down, before he could begin to try to unwrap her legs from around his waist.

So now she laid in her bed and watched as the night brightened into the dawn.

She felt like a child for crying, but couldn’t stop the tears as they came.

How foolish could she have been? Perhaps she had misread things. She knew he once had feelings for her, but perhaps he had gotten so used to their friendship that he didn’t feel anything more anymore.

She didn’t want friendship, though.

She couldn’t be just friends with him.

She glanced at her phone, thinking she should see if Aelin wanted to go get breakfast, but then she thought against it.

No.

She would lie there until her eyes went dry, whenever that would be, if ever.

She dozed off around 5:45, a heavy hand dragging her down into the blackness and silence of sleep. She was numb while she was asleep, the hours passing quickly, only waking when her phone suddenly rang on her nightstand.

She awoke with a small gasp, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She couldn’t tell what time it was, the clouds and rain outside obscuring any chance of the sun breaking through.

She reached for her phone and saw it was Aelin calling. She was no longer crying, but she couldn’t muster the strength to deal with Aelin right now. And for that reason alone, she decided to stay in bed.

The movie was on its 3rd playthrough when she heard her doorbell ring. Her phone lit up, alerting her of movement at her front door. Before she could open the notification to activate the camera, her phone rang again.

Aelin was persistent and Elide groaned as she flopped back on her pillows and covered her face with her hands, dropping her phone onto her blankets. It finally stopped ringing and when Elide checked the footage, sure enough, Aelin stood at her front door, tried to call her, and then left. After flipping the camera the bird, of course.

Elide spent the next few hours dozing in and out of a restless nap. She wasn’t tired, but her body didn’t want to be awake. She’d wake up in tears, and hard, shaking sobs would wrack her body. Other times, she’d awaken and feel absolutely nothing.

The sun was setting when her doorbell rang again. Knowing she was already going to be in for the ass chewing of her life from Aelin, Elide unlocked her phone, opened the system that controlled her locks, and unlocked the door. She nestled back into the covers and decided that if she was going to be bitched at, she might as well be comfortable doing it. And so she waited.

Until she heard heavy, booted footsteps in her entryway.

“Elide?”

Lorcan.

Elide froze, her blankets covering all but her eyes and the top of her head.

“I know you’re here,” he said, footsteps pausing as the door closed shut behind him. “I heard you. I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

Entitled prick. Elide said nothing. What could she say? I was going to tell you how madly in love I am with you until I caught you fucking some random bar blonde.

“Elide,” he crooned, his voice growing louder as he made his way to her bedroom.

Go away, she wanted to say, but nothing came.

She pulled her head under the covers and laid there, trying not to breathe too loudly or move much. Maybe if she was quiet enough, he would-.

The blanket was ripped off the bed and Elide squealed as she quickly sat up.

“Fuck.”

The tone of his voice dropped low, a familiar growl, Elide thought, as he took in the tank top she was wearing.  Which, aside from the scrap of lace Victoria’s Secret had the audacity to call a thong, was all she had on.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Elide, I figured you were just sick or something-.”

“You need to leave,” she said, interrupting him. She tucked her legs underneath her, crossing her arms across her chest. It didn’t do much to hide her ample assets, but it helped. And Elide couldn’t remember how to stand, how to walk, not when Lorcan was looking at her. It was a wonder she was even able to talk.

“What? Seriously?” He snapped out of his haze, his eyes leaving her body and focusing back on her face.

“Yes,” she hissed. “Seriously.”

Lorcan’s jaw locked as he dropped the blankets back onto her lap. “Elide-.”

“Don’t.”

“I want to talk to you-.”

“I don’t.”

A look washed over Lorcan’s face that Elide rarely saw - he was upset. Not angry, but purely upset. Then, one word came out of him that was scarcely ever uttered from him. “Please.” 

Elide blinked. She pulled the blanket back over her lap. She looked away, cheeks growing warm as she remembered what she had walked in on the night before.

How she wished it had been her instead of some girl she hadn’t even known.

“Who was she?”

The words were out of her mouth before Elide had even decided whether or not she wanted to say them. She kept looking out the window, out at the lights of the city in the valley. She didn’t look at him.

Lorcan hesitated. “I don’t- She- She doesn’t matter, El.”

“You don’t remember her name, do you?” The words were flat. Cold coming from Elide, nothing Lorcan had ever heard. He didn’t like it.

“No,” he admitted.

Elide scoffed. “I didn’t even think you were drinking. How’d you forget her name?”

“I never asked for it. Didn’t seem important at the time.” Lorcan’s voice was like ice, hard, yet somehow, Elide’s was still colder when she laughed. There was no humor in that sound.

This was why she had never tried to truly pursue Lorcan. This was how he operated. Elide longed for far more than to just be a notch in his bedpost.

“I can’t… I can’t with you right now,” she said, begging herself not to cry. “Leave. Please.”

“Elide-.”

“Please!” She yelled, her eyes welling up. A soft curse left her mouth as she angrily wiped at her eyes.

Lorcan didn’t move, but his anger faded, just a little bit, slowly. He sat down gently on the edge of her bed and looked at the wall. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for fucking a girl you didn’t know or sorry I had to see it?”

Lorcan didn’t answer. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

Elide scoffed. “That’s a terrible answer.”

Lorcan was back on his feet, but Elide knew it was taking everything in him to keep his voice down. He knew how she felt about his temper, how his rage unnerved her. It was low, but it was rough, when he said, “What do you want me to say, Elide? Huh? I’m a 27-year-old guy, we like to fuck.” His harsh words stunned her, but she didn’t move. He continued to pace. “She had tits, she had an ass, and she was willing. I didn’t have to do a damn thing, she came up to me. And unless you and I are in a relationship that I somehow don’t know about, I don’t think I should have to apologize for that.”

You and I.

Elide opened her mouth but nothing came out. A moment of silence passed before Lorcan once again met her gaze.

“I came last night to tell you that I love you,” Elide said, her voice an unnerved whisper. Everything inside of her was trembling, her eyes wet and blurred with tears. “That I wanted you. But, I can see now that that was a mistake.”

Every ounce of anger that controlled Lorcan’s massive frame faded instantly. His lips fell open as he took a slow, small step back toward her bed.

But Elide held up her hand. “You need to leave.”

“El-“

“Leave!”

Lorcan froze. Elide rarely raised her voice, and now her voice was cold and earth-shattering.

They stared at each other in the broken silence, and in the back of her mind, Elide realized that at some point the television had been turned off. She was doing her best to keep her lip from trembling, her chest from heaving; anything to keep the sobs threatening to break from her at bay.

So when the tears spilled over and ran down Lorcan’s cheeks, her lips parted silently in surprise,

“You said you only wanted to be friends,” he breathed. His voice was unlike anything she’d ever heard from him, frail, unsure when it was usually so full of strength and confidence. “That you couldn’t see me like that. You, Elide. Why wouldn’t you-?”

His words broke off as he cleared his throat and looked away, quickly wiping away the tears, though more took their place.

“What was I supposed to do?” He asked, meeting her eyes as she sat there, a whirlwind of emotions. “Wait for you to decide that you wanted me? El, I’ve been in love with you for years. And you...didn’t want me. And I didn’t blame you. You had the right not to want me. You shouldn’t want me. You’re too good for this shit.” 

He looked confused, like a thousand thoughts were rushing through his mind that he couldn’t make sense of. And yet, he couldn’t stop the tears.

She couldn’t stop the images from the night before returning to her mind. But he was right. She had told him she thought they should remain friends. How was he supposed to know that she had changed her mind? That she was coming to give herself to him? Yes. It hurt like hell to see him with another woman. But, she shouldn’t have expected anything otherwise.

She began, “Maybe we should-.”

“Fuck this.”

Lorcan cut her off and with two large steps, her face was in his hands, his lips crashed against hers. She froze the second his hands were on her, locking up, and when his tongue brushed the seam of her lips, she whimpered.

He instantly let her go, assuming she was protesting and when he stepped away, giving her space, distance, she stared up at him.

“I’ll leave,” he whispered. “If you really want me to go, I’ll leave. But I don’t want to.”

Elide hesitated. A quiet voice that sounded oddly like Aelin’s crept into the back of her mind, telling her what she probably should have done, but she ignored it.

At the edge of her bed, Elide propped herself up on her knees, her blanket falling on her lavender sheets.

Lorcan watched her every move as she reached out and brushed her fingers along the zipper of his black jacket.

She was fully aware of how little she wore, how hungry his eyes were as they took her in. 

Her lips were still tingling from the touch of his and her body throbbed with the need to feel them once more. 

Her slim, gentle fingers slowly unzipped his jacket and she pulled him closer by the loose fabric. 

Lorcan fell forward until his knees were brushing against the side of the mattress. 

“Stay,” she whispered, and at first she thought it had only been said within the safety of her mind, but then Lorcan’s hand met hers where it held onto the side of his jacket. He moved her fingers, slowly and gently, to his chest, where his heart was beating wildly.

“This,” he breathed, “belongs to you. Wholly and completely.” She could feel the erratic thumping beneath her fingertips. “Fuck, it has for as long as…” He chuckled. “Gods, Elide, I’ve loved you since I first met you.”

Elide gazed up at him, onyx eyes sparkling in the low lamp light. She smiled and he thought she was the most beautiful thing in existence.

But that smile faltered and she looked down at the bed, at her exposed skin, almost fully on display for him.

“What is it?” He asked.

She glanced up at him. “Last night… I can’t get it out of my head and I-.” Her voice broke.

The light in his eyes faded. “I fucked up. Okay? I’m sorry.”

He had no reason to be sorry. He’d had the right to be with whomever he wanted. Yet, his apology hardly made her feel any better. 

Elide’s fingers fell from his. The absence of her touch seemed to be his undoing. 

He fell into his knees beside her bed. He looked nothing at all like the man Elide was used to seeing, but a desperate, broken man. “Tell me how to fix it and I’ll do it.”

“Lorcan-.”

“Don’t make me beg, El,” he whispered, cutting her off. “Because I will. You just told me you loved me...do you know how many years I’ve wanted to hear those words from you?”

“I’m not like those other girls,” she whispered, silently tracing the pattern of her duvet. Her eyes followed the swirls and loops, even when he fingers knotted together under her knees. “I can’t just meet some random guy at the bar and go home with him. I’m just… I don’t know what you’re expecting from...this, from us.”

His hand carefully extracted her fingers from her other hand. “I don’t expect a single thing from you, other than just to be with you.” He closed his fingers around hers, his hand dwarfing hers. He chuckled softly. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to just do this.” He ran his thumb over the back of her fingers. “To hold you, your hand. This is…exactly what I want.” Elide blushed and looked up at him. Lorcan cleared his throat. “But if you don’t put some more clothes on, I don’t know how much longer that will be enough.”

Elide looked at where their joined hands sat atop her bare thigh. She looked at her exposed legs and the way her tank top had begun to creep up her midsection. She looked up at Lorcan, his dark eyes hungry, but she could see the restraint there, holding him back. He was fighting against his most base instincts.

With shaky fingers, Elide lifted Lorcan’s chin up to meet her gaze. His jaw locked as he pushed her hair back behind her ear. 

And slowly, Elide leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. It was a soft, slow kiss. Gentle. Elide had seen many sides of Lorcan, but never one so intimate, so soft. It made her love him even more.

She loved him.

He was her best friend.

They understood one another.

Even when she was hurt, when she was furious, she loved him. 

Elide leaned back, just far enough to meet his eyes before resting her forehead gingerly against his. “If I give my heart to you, please don’t break it.”

Lorcan let out a slow, shaky breath. “I would never.”

Their lips met once more, Elides arms going around his neck as Lorcan’s calloused fingers trailed up her thighs.

I would never.

Gods, she believed him.

[pinehutch]

Niche Interests

A little while ago, @mia-ugly tagged me to talk about 10 niche interests of mine. I don’t really know what counts as a niche so I’ve been making occasional notes about this over the last week. 

The hardest part of this for me is either that I’m not very interesting or more likely, that I’m a generalist. Like, I would give myself a solid B in many, many areas that could be considered “niche” - I love learning. 

But here are some things that I can and will reliably nerd out over if someone else brings them up!

1. Curly hair care. I’ve got naturally curly hair and didn’t really know how to look after it until my early twenties. Now I know many things about it, including where to get good curly hair products in Canada. Genuinely, if you have curly hair and want to chat about it you can always message me or send me an ask and I’m happy to try to help. (These days I am really loving Inahsi Naturals and Ecoslay;  yes I have drugstore and grocery store recs as well.) 

Also, more seriously: I would also encourage any white or other non-Black person who is frustrated with their own curly hair to also spend some time reading on natural hair movement to try to learn about the history and politics of Black hair in particular. If it’s within your means and you’re already buying specialised products for textured hair, I encourage you to to look into Black-owned businesses. 

2. Canadian Poetry in English, especially 1960-present. I could narrow this down further but c’mon, how many people genuinely want to hear me go on about those slim volumes that I accumulate? But like, I grew up on my mom’s hand-me-down volumes of Canadian poetry from Confederation to the 1980′s; at age 16 I was co-oping for a prof at the local university as part of building a collected works on a Canadian poet and painter, and clamouring to go to lit conferences; in university I showed up with a good chunk of the curriculum already read; etc. Total nerd. 

3.  Edible plants of Ontario. I don’t actually forage because I don’t have access to land where I think it’s appropriate for me to, but I grew up on ~80 acres of mixed forest in central Ontario, and my grandfather liked to show us what was safe to eat. I will never turn my nose up at ramps, and I think I may have remembered my dad’s secret morel spot he took us to as kids, to check out next spring. The list of what else is out there is long and still lodged in my brain. 

4. Fat acceptance, fat positivity, and a bit about plus-size fashion: in the early-to-mid 2000′s I discovered the fatshionista community on livejournal and it changed my life, which I say without hyperbole. I was looking for tips on finding “cute clothes,” and what I found was a pathway into learning about intersectionality. The people who ran and were highly vocal in that community did a lot of hard work in those years trying to dismantle not only internalized and external fatphobia, but also ableism, racism, and queerphobia. I’ve spent over fifteen years now consciously trying to dismantle fatphobia in myself and in the people around me, as a part of the work. (I’m not as well-grounded in the fashion side of things anymore, but I try sometimes.) 

5. History and development of the English language. I’m definitely just an armchair expert, but holy shit do I love this awful language, and how it came to be and continues to become. I minored in linguistics in university, and I used to be able construe Old English on the fly. I believe wholeheartedly in linguistic parity and I don’t mean that English is better than other languages; this is just the one I understand best. 

6. (This one is really boring I’m not even going to bold it)  public sector procurement law and practice in Canada. It’s not a field I’m in anymore, but I was for a while. How (literally, how, not just on what) do your governments spend your money? 

7. Ghost stories, yours and mine. Tell me your spookiest stories, please please please. My favourite thing to do in October is cram my eyeballs full of the entries in the Jezebel scary stories contest, in part because of the conceit that the stories are ‘true.’ I’ve always been interested in the unseen or barely-seen in general, including 20 years with an active interest in modern witchcraft (and a trailing one, still). 

Actually, that’s a good segue to

8. Divination, kind of. I’m not an expert or even any kind of practitioner, anymore, but I know a little bit about a lot of different methods and their histories and application. Enough that I could quickly find my way to good research if I wanted to incorporate some of these things in a work of fiction, and I am always keen to listen to other people talk about their experiences and practices. 

9. Okay, I didn’t want to admit it but: Dragon Age (all media types). I definitely did not intend to become someone with a high degree of fluency in a fantasy video game world but here’s how it happened: about seven years ago I started experiencing chronic fatigue, joint pain, and stiffness. By February 2014 there were days when I couldn’t walk. I was diagnosed (quite quickly) with rheumatoid arthritis and my immune system and I are still in a bit of a fight about it. On one of those days when I couldn’t leave home, I picked up Dragon Age: Origins and started a playthrough, and it turned out that gaming was exactly the right amount of distracting but not intensive that worked for me when I was in pain, most of the time. But I’ve played the games, read the books, own the encyclopedias and the TTRPG books, have read codices and wikis and reams of meta. My DA fervour is pretty low these days (it’s been six years since a new game came out, after all), but it may yet come back. (What I love about it is mostly to do with characters and setting: it rewards close reading and a historiographical lens.) 

The best part about all of this is that I’ve never really been arsed about dragons, as such. 

10. (This feels like cheating but) vegetarian food, and the role of meat and animal products in food cultures. (Also, like, the politics and culture of food in general.) First-off, I should say that I’m not a vegan or vegetarian unless you want me to select my entree for your wedding. I don’t eat meat most of the time, but I do eat dairy most days, eggs a few times each week, and eat fish or seafood semi-regularly. I’ve been meat-averse for most of my life, though there are times when I’ve craved it and continue to. As a result, I tend to plan and cook mostly veg meals; it’s just second nature now. I tend to keep a general awareness of how to Make Things From Plants because it’s also just useful knowledge to have - blender ice cream with coconut milk and peanut butter and cocoa powder is just more convenient when it’s 35C outside than cooking custard, you know? 

I do think that the plant-based eating movement has a huge, huge problem with classism, ableism, fatphobia, and racism, and so I try to keep my own interest in eating in veg-adjacent ways as an interest for me, not as a cause or goal. 

Tagging: @mareebrittenford @taksez @glowcrizzle @thisnewdevilry @19thcenturyfox @kungfulola @horse-badorties @fullcuntact and anyone else that is keen to talk about their niche interests. 

[shielddrake]

Psychonauts: Setup and Payoff Done Well (If Not Perfectly)

So about a year ago I posted a long lecture about how Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts 3 had major problems in the story department when it came to setup and payoff. I basically said that Final Fantasy XV had lots of scenes with payoff that were not set up very well and Kingdom Hearts 3 had some excellent moments that set up story elements but never followed through on them. And while I think some of those issues have been addressed with some of the DLC released for both games (I reserve my right to be a little salty Episodes Aranea, Luna, and Noctis were canceled) I still stand by my statement that these games have big problems with this.

 During the past year, I have received a couple of comments regarding my position on this, ranging from “Can you give a good example of setup and payoff?” to “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you come up with a better example?” And I thought, well, what kind of game would be a good example of excellent use of setup and payoff? What game or series would I say does the job so much better than any writer has or does, video game or otherwise?

 And then, the middle of a repeat playthrough I always do before a game’s sequel comes out, it came to me:

 Now Psychonauts has been out since 2005, so a spoiler warning might seem a little silly here, but I think a lot of gamers have been playing it for the first time since the sequel was announced, so just in case: Major spoilers for the original Psychonauts game under the cut.

 Whenever someone tries to argue whether or not video games can be considered art, one of the first games that comes to my mind is Psychonauts, and not just because of its amazing aesthetics. It has some of the best storytelling, script writing, level design, music, voice acting, and art direction I have ever seen. This game is possibly one of the best video games I have every played, despite the flaws that it does have (I’m looking at you, Meat Circus), and it is easily on my list of top ten favorite video games.  Is it really any surprise that Psychonauts 2 reached its crowd-funding goal of over $3,000,000 in about a month? And yes, I admit that I am one of those backers, just to put out there any bias I know I have.

 But this isn’t meant to be a review of Psychonauts.

 I replayed Psychonauts a few months ago with the idea of the first game being fresh in my mind when the sequel comes out, which is supposed to be sometime this year of 2020. I was absolutely inundated with examples of effective setup and payoff as I played, so it seemed like the obvious choice to go over how this story-telling technique can be used not only well, but also to the point where it’s almost like there are far too many examples.

 Honestly, I could go on and on and on about setup and payoff in Psychonauts’ story, but for our purposes here most of the focus is going to be on just three big things that are really important to the main storyline: Linda the Lungfish, bunnies and meat, and Raz’s dad.

 One thing about setup and payoff is that the setup has to actually happen in a way that the audience, in this case the player, can’t miss it.  There are several moments in the game that Linda is mentioned, the first time being in the opening cutscene, where Bobby teases Dogen about the monster at the bottom of the lake.  You can’t miss the setup when it is thrown in your face that way.

  But that’s not the only time we get references to some sort of lake monster. Before going into Basic Braining, the first official level of the game, if Raz talks to Mikhail, the adorable Russian psychic mentions a “giant, hairless bear” in the woods, asking if Raz has seen it and wanting to wrestle with it. Now, it’s not said for certain if Mikhail is talking about Linda or if he’s just referring to the telekinetic bears you meet later on, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if it’s supposed to be the former.

  The first time the player heads for the lake, Elton will run up to Raz and mention the “brain-eating fish” that supposedly lives there. Well, now we’ve got both a mention of the lake monster and the fact that it goes after brains.  Hmm, sound familiar in retrospect?

  Optionally, Raz can also talk to Elton about the fish being spooked by something in the lake.

  Although only the first lake interaction with Elton is mandatory (whether it’s when you go to see Milla or before then), both of these moments act as reminders of the setup of the lake monster established in the opening cutscene.  

 And then there’s the scene in the woods between Raz and Lili on the way to Sasha Nein’s Secret Lab. Raz says that something was watching him, a shadowy being that smelled like pond scum.

  I absolutely love Lili’s face in this scene, by the way.

 We kind of get distracted by their interactions and Lili basically trolling Raz, but that’s part of what makes good writing. The scene is foreshadowing something without making it overly overt…not that the game is subtle every time, but the point still stands. This game does a great mix of the obvious and the subtle.

 The game also has optional dialogue with Coach Oleander and Raz reporting on a UPE (Unidentified Paranormal Entity), which he suspects is aquatic in nature. And Oleander seems oddly insistent that the lake monster does not exist, that it’s just a camp fable.

 Finally we get to the Brain Tumbler Experiment. Needless to say, it’s in this level that a lot of the elements come together. We come across a demon in the form of a big, shadowy figure that spits out a diving helmet. Again, does that sound familiar at all?

  There is a minor mention of the lake monster in the mental vault below the spooky thorn tower (more on that near the end of this post), but other than that there’s a break in the game where the lake monster isn’t mentioned for a while. We don’t get another explicit scene about it until Raz and Lili meet Linda properly at the edge of Lake Oblongata…where Lili gets kidnapped, we go through the boss sequence under the lake, and enter Linda’s brain of Lungfishopolis.  And the final payoff occurs with the Hideous Hulking Lungfish transporting us to Thorney Towers and giving Raz her real name, Linda.

  Now would any of that be nearly as rewarding if we had never heard of the Hideous Hulking Lungfish of Lake Oblongata prior to her official appearance? Every single player would just have visible question marks hanging over their heads if Linda just showed up out of nowhere. Deus Ex Lungfish, anyone? But that’s not what the developers did.  They spent plenty of time building up to Linda, making her reveal not only make sense but also weaving her into the story so that her reveal is more than satisfying.

 There is just one thing I’ve always been curious about, a sort of chicken-and-egg scenario. Did the legend of the lake monster start because genetically-altered Linda showed up and starting attacking campers?  Or did the legend already exist and Oleander used it as an excuse to write off any “sightings” of the monster? Any ideas?

 Moving on from Linda, we come to the imagery of meat and bunnies.

 Without knowing the full ending of the game, most players would think that it’s a bit strange I would stick meat and bunnies together in the same category. Sadly, the connection between these things is a bit on the morose side, and they are actually first introduced at the same time as well.

 When I first played Psychonauts, the first time I actively thought about bunnies and meat being related somehow was during the Brain Tumbler Experiment, but that’s actually not the first time the game introduces these. Anyone else notice that Basic Braining has figments of meat cleavers, butcher knives, a pig, a duck, and a fox? I could logic that a meat cleaver and butcher knife fit with the whole army theme, but a pig, duck and fox?

  Kind of odd animals would be included in all this, especially animals that are either butchered or hunted. At least that’s what I thought at first.

 It is in Oleander’s mind that we first see the “meaty plant” that Lili saves from being squashed by Raz. It’s also here that we see bunnies hopping around the snowfield with the Gatling gun. This early in the game, is this important or just set dressing?  I’m ashamed to admit, but I thought it was just weird set dressing when I first played, but it makes more sense as the story goes on.

  Turns out it’s important all right, since the next time we see both meat and bunnies is in the Brain Tumbler Experiment. “Mr. Bun” seems like a rather random animal to have in Raz’s brain, but then again bunnies showed up in Basic Braining as well.  Is there a connection somehow? Sasha tells Raz that an animal may represent a primal fear or memory.

 He’s right on the latter, although a player going through the game for the first time might not know why (and I admit, on my first playthrough, I didn’t). And there’s more meat and meaty plants here. Raz doesn’t directly mention these (at least he didn’t during my most recent playthrough, to my recollection) but they are pretty obvious, to say the least.

 So that’s two things connecting the Brain Tumbler Experiment and Basic Braining.  Is this a normal occurrence? Maybe these things just show up in brains? Lili does mention she had been dreaming of meat plants, after all, both in Basic Braining and in the cutscene before Raz enters Milla’s mind. Maybe it’s a primal need for meat? Don’t tell the vegans I said that. The Vegan Police would be very unhappy with the final level of this game.

 After the Brain Tumbler Experiment is finished, we know that the brain interference was coming from Oleander, but it’s not explained why there are meat and bunny references up until that point.  There’s actually no mention of either at all in the subsequent levels until the last.  Lungfishopolis, The Milkman Conspiracy, Gloria’s Theater, Waterloo World, and Black Velvetopia are devoid of all meat or bunnies, which possibly leads the player to forget about the whole thing for a while (and when I say “the player,” I really mean me).

 In fact, we don’t see any sign of either until the final level of the game, Meat Circus. And, oh boy, Meat Circus.

  Yeah, it should come as no surprise that I hate this level. I hated it so much that on my first playthrough of this game in 2005, I rage quit and didn’t look at Psychonauts for several days. I eventually went back to it and beat it, but let’s say I was more than a little relieved that they lowered the difficulty for it in subsequent releases.

 But I digress.

 We reach Meat Circus, the combined consciousness of Raz and Little Oly, and the payoff of all the meat and bunny stuff we’ve seen thus far. We have Frankenstein-esque meat bunnies, platforms made of steaks, rail grinding on bones, trapeze and trampolines of bones and skin, and of course the dark versions of both Raz’s and Oleander’s fathers, who not only are evil but also become a giant two-headed monster.  When Sasha said that problems seem larger in your head than in real life, I should have known it would be taken more literally in this game.

  I mean, is it really any shock that Oleander is carrying some trauma after seeing his bunny friend be decapitated by his own father? It’s never said how old Little Oly is, but considering his behavior he is clearly younger than Raz, so this happened when he was in the single digits of age. That’s really not something a little kid should see. That’s just asking for PTSD.

 Anyway, back to setup and payoff, which is pretty obvious at this point. We have plenty of mentions of both bunnies and meat throughout the game, leading to the final boss that is both creepy and downright terrifying. Not only does this boss conclude Oleander’s trauma with his father being a butcher and killing his favorite bunny, but it also allows Raz to defeat his inaccurate mental image of his own father.  Both of them are able to move forward from that point on. Defeating this monstrosity acts as the ultimate payoff and conclusion for both Raz and Oleander.

  Speaking of Raz’s dad…

 Raz’s relationship with his father at the start of the game is strained, to say the least. When Raz goes to learn Levitation from Milla, the very mention of his father showing up to take him home from the camp makes him nervous. Not the best sign here, and his other comments regarding his dad don’t make it much better.

 Once Raz reaches cadet ranks ten and twenty, we get cutscenes of Raz talking with Cruller in tutorials for Pyrokinesis and Telekinesis. During Pyrokinesis, Raz first mentions that his father, Augustus, hates psychics and trained Raz in acrobatics to the point where Raz worried his dad was trying to kill him. During Telekinesis, Raz reveals his suspicions that his father is psychic as well. The memory vault we see of Raz running away from home only reinforces Raz’s perspective.

  We’re led to believe that Raz’s statements are the truth, which is a logical conclusion since he’s the game’s protagonist, but the end of the game shows otherwise. At first I thought this meant Raz was simply an unreliable narrator, but that turns out to not be the whole story. While Raz is an unreliable narrator in that there are a lot of things he just doesn’t know, it’s not malicious in any way. Raz simply doesn’t know that he father really does care about him. That’s the magic of using the third-person limited point of view.

 Up to this point, we’re led to believe that Augustus is a neglectful father at best, but it turns out that Augustus does love his son. He’s just apparently really bad at showing it. The very fact that he is the only one able to break into Raz’s “hard to penetrate skull” shows that there is a deeper relationship between them.  And Augustus is clearly distraught that his own son sees him as a monster in his mind. Poor Augustus.

  I think that a lot of the interactions between father and son in this game was cut out due to both budget and time constraints, because I feel like there is more to be said with these two than what we get in the final product. (I’m thinking we’re going to get more of that in the sequel, but that is up in the air at this time.) This doesn’t bother me too much though, since we do get effective enough setup and payoff that it doesn’t seem like it comes out of nowhere.  They do finally talk to each other and express their concerns, mending their relationship…in the middle of a battle with a two-headed father monster.

  Clearly these two have communication issues. The morale of this story is that it’s important to talk to one each other.

 And this is certainly paid off in the end cutscene of the game.  When Sasha says they want Raz to come along to rescue Truman Zanotto, Raz doesn’t just run off with them again.  He turns around and gives his father puppy-dog eyes, clearly asking for permission to go this time. And Augustus not only gives it, he gives Raz his blessing and encourages him to “show them all.” Contrast this to the backstory of the game, where Augustus flat out forbids Raz from having anything to do with the Psychonauts and Raz running away in secret.

  And if that’s not satisfying use of setup and payoff, I don’t know what is.

 That’s not to say that all of the setup and payoff in Psychonauts is perfect. To be fair, there are times when the setup can be missed, and therefore the payoff that comes later can be confusing. The most obvious example of this is the nightmare that attacks you in The Milkman Conspiracy. When I first played the game all those years ago, my first thought was, “What in the world? What is this thing and where did it come from?”

  Of course, on subsequent playthroughs, I did find the demon room in Milla’s mind, showing the same nightmares she had caged away. This is the difference between a sane mind and an insane one.  Milla has all her demons under control (although notice that they have not gone away) while Boyd’s run amok because he has no way of mentally dealing with them, since his brain is a little bit busy with this, well, milkman conspiracy.  The nightmares that attack in Boyd’s brain make more sense after I saw the ones in Milla’s brain. In this case, the payoff wasn’t bad since the nightmare miniboss wasn’t a bad fight, but context in the form of the setup made the payoff better.

  Other times the setup can be missed?  The other big one is the resolution of all the campers’ storylines. Unless the player spends time going around camp throughout the game and seeing the interactions the other campers have with each other, the little scene you have with each one once they are re-brained won’t make a lot of sense. The love triangle between J.T., Elka and Nils? J.T. and Chops having conflict about J.T. abandoning his best friend for his new girlfriend? Crystal and Clem attempting suicide to become more powerful? Chloe thinking she’s an alien? Maloof basically becoming a mob leader with Mikhail as his right-hand man? Elton and Milka’s blossoming love? …Just to name a few? Yeah, the context of all that is missed if the player doesn’t bother to talk to the other campers throughout the game, but I attribute that more to the player than the game.  The developers accounted for this in the story, so it’s more the player didn’t look for the setup rather than Double Fine just not bothering to include it.

  That’s just some examples of setup and payoff that I feel are probably the most important to the main storyline of Psychonauts.  They are far from the only examples. Really far from it. Oh boy, could I go on about the scenarios of setup and payoff that happen in this game.

 Dogen talking to the squirrels, who tell him that the short man is going to kill everyone, only for them to really be talking about Oleander?

 Elton saying that Oleander’s recruiting office in Basic Braining resembles a dentist office, only to find out that one of the main antagonists, Dr. Loboto, is in fact a dentist?

  Oleander having a mental vault trapped behind some mental cobwebs? Well, he has something to hide, despite him saying he doesn’t when you first play through Basic Braining. Of course, getting angry at Raz for snooping around a room with a curtain doesn’t give off the idea that Oleander has something to hide. Nope. Not suspicious at all.

 Agent Crueller having all the different personalities around the camp, hinting as his unstable mental state?

 The Hand of Galochio appearing in the lake as a reference to Raz’s family having a curse to die in water, and said curse just so happens to show up not only as a gameplay element but as a story element during Meat Circus?

 Raz being able to read Lili’s thoughts when she doesn’t mean for him to, then for him to do it two more times near the end of the game?

 How Lili’s cold stops her from sneezing out her own brain?

 Sasha’s hatred of tacky lamps having to do with his past working in a tacky lamp factory? Or the shoeboxes indicating his father was a cobbler? Or the bed as the location of where his mother was horribly ill and died?

 Raz needing to climb the “creepy thorn tower” in the Brain Tumbler Experiment, only to later need to climb Thorney Towers Home for the Disturbed?

 The mention of the town of Shaky Claim on the giant tree stump at the camp entrance referring to the sunken town that is (somewhat) explored during the boss sequence under the lake?

 Raz talking about being back in high school in Black Velvetopia despite being ten years old? Not to mention the stories the dogs tell about Lana/Lampita and Dean/Dingo?

 Lastly, do I really need to mention the incredibly weird and seemingly out of place mental vault below the creepy thorn tower? A brain chicken hatches out of an egg, meets a fish in water, goes to a circus, gets placed in a teacup, and blasts people to death? Kind of a summation of Raz coming out of the egg in the Brain Tumbler Experiment, meeting Linda at Lake Oblongata, entering the Meat Circus, and getting placed in a brain tank and defeating two people? Was the mental vault a foreshadowing of the main plot of Psychonauts? I don’t know.  What do you think?

  *Takes a deep breath.* See what I mean when I say I could really go on and on about setup and payoff in Psychonauts? There are so many examples that it’s kind of ridiculous. It could be said that there’s too much of this kind of storytelling in the game, but I fail to see how that is a problem.  There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, but when it comes to setup and payoff, Psychonauts is not it.

    Credits 

Screenshots courtesy of the following:

Comic Foil, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN-Y6XDe0oWyhgjcGunJqGw

 Global Gaming, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pjsxNSwSSA

 StoryGamer, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXZ1vDFp_dw&t=139s

 ThatNotSoAznKid, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ford0MGvWIc

[retphienix]

Ah. What a game this has been so far.

Now I had a million thoughts I wanted to share as this played out, lord knows I’ll forget a good portion of them but that’s the nature of my own ineptitude- plenty of things I’ll remember MILES after this post or only if prompted in a specific way and that’s just how it is.

To start- this isn’t the end of DQ11 for the blog just yet. I usually don’t dive into post game unless it feels right or people ask and I’m convinced- and more or less both happened this time. It does feel right- I have definite goals I want to tackle before saying I’m happy with what I did here- and more than one person has mentioned that the post game is worth touching so I’ll be doing that.

Also, for those unfamiliar with my long winded utter mess of a finale post style I go for- this is a lot of rambling as I try my best to touch on my thoughts on the game overall because I like to share. Feel free to just press “J” on your keyboard and skip right passed this- I know **I** struggle to focus my eyes to read long winded posts so I won’t blame you.

Also also, in order to try and spark some of those thoughts I had during this recording the first bit is gonna be me re-watching it as I wait on the video to finish processing and saying what comes up.

To start- really wish there was a save point there lol. I get that it’s a painfully easy backtrack to the save point at the start of the castle- but still, I like convenience.

The Dark Lord’s first form is a huge step up from his form before absorbing Yggdrasil and this first form fight was fun and had me itching to say some good things about it but honestly? I want to save praise for the fight that deserves it- phase 2.

PHASE TWO THOUGH!? GOD TIER RPG FIGHT.

I’ve seen better, sure, but come on, we’ve ALL seen better at all times on all things especially considering preferences coming into it- this was a 10/10 boss fight, top to bottom.

Design? Beautiful. Even continued the DQ obsession with puns with his tail being Mordragon, that is so PERFECT so ‘chef kiss’ flawless and it’s just a name. I LOVE how he looks. I LOVE how he moves around the arena changing which head you’re facing.

I love how each had different strengths to contend with (which I abruptly fucked up, don’t call me out, I’ll prove I know what was going on right here and right now-). The dragon had strong melee and breath attacks while the dark lord himself had magic aplenty.

I even utilized swapping out for the first time ever not because I hadn’t seen the value beforehand (I’ve spoken on how interesting a strategic option it was seeing as every unit has unique moves to bring to the table and it costs nothing but ATB for that unit to do).

Now, I fucked that up, but I did it purely because this is the first fight up to this point that felt right to do so. It’s the first time the tactical value of switching out to buff defenses with Hendrik outvalued ignoring that option and maintaining my ATB on whomever I would switch out. THAT FELT SO GOOD! And then I let my braindead fingers buff defense on a magic phase and you see the point. It was brilliant but I was not!

I did end up ignoring the option after a few turns not because the value wasn’t there, but because he ALSO spams stat neutralizing moves which made me reconsider focusing so heavily on buffs and instead focusing on maintaining steady heals (mostly with Hustle dance).

This fight? Beautiful. I loved every second of it. I loved adjusting my playstyle on the fly, I loved finding my footing. I just loved it.

Beyond that- the ending. I got a chuckle out of how abrupt the credits come in. It seems to wind up for an end sequence only for Erik to say “Well, let’s go home” and it cuts to the credits- but THEN the credits ARE the end sequence so it wasn’t ACTUALLY as abrupt as it seemed, but it got a laugh out of me.

Now those credit scenes? I’m a sucker for games that make you fall in love with the characters and this was an ending catering to those characters. Not too much to say outside of “I was smiling the entire time” which is true.

There were a couple moments in that sequence that I said aloud “JUST HUG HIM YOU COWARD” to various characters, like Hero and Rab, or the two dorks (hero and Gemma), etc.

And they played on the mystique of the post game’s content well enough to pull people in I’d say- certainly more than what I recall DQ8 doing with the dragon trials.

I am probably wrong, but I recall the game drawing next to no attention to that post game content aside from a few moments in the game dragging you to the location only to not let you access it (hinting at more being there).

Anyway.

Honestly, after rambling about the video itself I feel a lot of what I wanted to say about DQ11 was said during the playthrough just fine. I rarely feel that way.

DQ11 was fun.

As a DQ fan, you can best believe I had fun.

As a stick in the mud who is disillusioned toward the game industry and doesn’t like a lot of the filth that accumulates within it- I obviously have a few negative thoughts on the game, but there really aren’t perfect games so much as perfect experiences based on how it affected you.

And I’ve voiced those annoyances plenty I think. For completion sake there are cut corners on animations that seem off when other places have a ton of attention to detail, that’s like bottom rung “I don’t actually give a shit” stuff though.

The bigger problems were Sugiyama is a horrible piece of human garbage and the game is lesser because of his influence on it. There are plenty of reasons behind that both big and small. Big- it feels gross having a human shitsack touching this game after having been so vocal for years- there are replacements at the ready and we still have his LGBT hating, war crime denying fingers handling the music? Shameful.

Small (but man did it fucking suck) being that every five minutes I was annoyed at the music in this game. It sounds Bad. And I mean both orchestral and midi, it’s not great compared to anything he made before for DQ, but the fact that it’s midi in this is EAR BLISTERING.

I’m not one to listen close to most music while playing for whatever reason- and I admit that knowing who’s responsible is half of why my ears tuned it in instead of tuning it out, but man I couldn’t help it and it sucks.

The same 3 second ear rattling loops are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Grandiose moments are cut short by bland midi tunes. MAIN STORY MOMENTS ARE LACKING MUSIC ALTOGETHER FOR SOME REASON? When the hero gets the flute and plays it for the first time it just DIDN’T MAKE A NOISE? Subsequent uses of the flute made a noise, but not the main first cutscene?

It’s a whole thing.

And don’t make me get that dirty capitalist pain in my chest over the fact the S version was released 2 months after this and includes so much content that SCREAMS “This already existed and we diced and quartered it specifically to create the illusion of ‘value’ for this release”. Disgusting, man. :/

Gameplay wise, the biggest complaint I have is so loaded and half hearted but I have to say it anyway.

DQ is good because it’s simple.

DQ can also be a little lacking because it’s simple.

This was the second most fun I’ve had playing a main series DQ game (DQIII just hits right), and it definitely has better gameplay (so my opinion is subjective) than the one I prefer to this. But it was also a bit too simple... But you can’t change that and be DQ, it’s complicated.

To just say it- other than the final boss every encounter was a bit too easy. And I know I overlevel, I know that’s the point, I know there’s a hard mode modifier- I KNOW, but the final boss was REALLY GOOD AND still not too hard, so the fact that most every other encounter did the minimum or the minimum +1 is a little tiny (just a bit) disappointing because the gameplay could have been that much better.

But. That could just be my head spinning tales and being a biased asshole especially since I’m not offering any solution here and I’m admitting it’s both “better than my favorite gameplay in the main series” and “probably can’t be made more involved without losing DQ simplicity”.

But I’d kill for some different or new systems on top of this- dual and triple techs from Chrono instead of RNG pep, bosses with more varied strategies instead of “stun 2-3 and do raid wide attack”.

A reason to care about elemental damage (both incoming and outgoing), plenty of little things that would just make the already solid as hell combat more interesting to participate in.

Story was honestly fantastic. I didn’t know how I was going to end that until I just let it come. It was. This is the best DQ story thus far, and not to limit it to that scope- this was a GOOD DAMNED STORY overall and I’ve played a fuckload of games with good stories.

Before this I was a sucker for the original trilogy’s overarching story, which is unfair because that’s 3 games and that’s an old story and it’s only “good” because it’s unprecedented. But this is just plain great.

It writes such beautiful characters- it tackles a variety of conflicts both big and small- you have Sylv and his dad, you have a possessed king declaring his daughter Jade dead and Jade knowingly betraying him without knowing he’s possessed, you have Erik giving up on life and only putting himself so deeply into this adventure as a means of escape, you have Hendrik’s loyalty being- I can’t pretend Hendrik fits in he’s fucking stupid and needs to ask questions because loyalty for the sake of loyalty isn’t interesting at all lol.

You have Rab believing the world is doomed and doing all he can with Jade up until they find you are alive. You have the INCREDIBLE story of Veronica and Serena- you have all these intensely lovable and understandable characters (and Hendrik) and the story is so much more about them than just about the dark lord and the hero.

It’s so much more about each of their conflicts and growth because all of that is HOW the hero will defeat the dark lord.

It’s just so much more... investing than any of the stories I’ve had in DQ before and strong as hell amongst stories beyond just DQ.

I loved this. It was emotional at times, it was downright depressing at times which I wouldn’t expect DQ to successfully hit, it was downright rewarding getting to know these characters and I feel fantastic having beaten this.

This game is fucking good. I finally understand why some people have told me this is their favorite DQ now. It... yeah I think it might be mine too.

I’d be much more likely to revisit DQ3 than this because it’s shorter and has a specific kind of RPG (class based with freely recruited partners instead of named party members) I find more fun to revisit, but yeah, I think I agree.

I think for main-series DQs this is it, this is my favorite. It has to be, right? It’s got so many INCREDIBLE story moments and it’s pretty and it plays great- yeah. Hell, Sylvando as a character and Serena and Veronica’s arc BY THEMSELVES convince me of that.

Still got nothing on DWM and DWM 2 on the GBC, WOOOOT! Didn’t expect this post to divert from a serious closing thoughts (despite there being a few more posts to come) topic to posting this did you?

Behold the true faces of DQ perfection.

[mercy-of-the-ashes]

My Complete Thoughts On Haiji Towa and My Experiences As A Haiji Fan

Hey, guys. It’s been a while since I made a new post. I’m hardly on Reddit, but that’s obvious. As you can see from the title, I rewrote my Haiji post again, but I assure you, it’ll be the last time I do this. After all this time, I left out so many details, and I wanted to make sure I say everything that I want to say here. That way, I can just move on while knowing I got everything off my chest. Obviously, this post is about, you guessed it, Haiji Towa, the most controversial and hated Danganronpa character of all time. And it’ll also be about me and my experiences as a Haiji fan. It’s a very long post, so please bear with me.

Note: I do not want to cause drama by posting this. I’m not targeting anyone nor do I want anyone to target me for this. I’m just going to state all of my honest opinions about Haiji and my experiences in the fandom, and what I think about both. If anyone doesn’t want to read what I have to say, please turn back and ignore my post. You have been warned.

Haiji Towa is, believe it or not, my favorite Danganronpa character. Yes, I said it and for the first time since I joined the community a long time ago, I’m not ashamed anymore. However, I’m not blind to the hate he gets on a daily basis. I’m well aware of it, along with other things I’ve experienced for more than a year now. So for the third and final time, I’m going to explain my full stance on Haiji without leaving anything out. Again, I’m not defending him for what he is in canon. I don’t condone his actions in any way, shape, or form, so always keep that in mind.

Now Haiji is hated for a variety of reasons, and I’m going to list them and discuss my own opinions about each one. So let’s begin!

1. Haiji’s a pedophile! Why do you like a pedophile?!!

To start things off, I’ll get the obvious one out of the way. I know and understand he’s a pedophile, but it doesn’t mean I like him for that reason. That’s a disgusting reason to like him, and I’m not one of those people. I’m not deliberately ignoring that little detail from his character because I like him. Just because I like him *doesn’t* mean I support pedophilia. I hate that they made Haiji one, and the worst part is I accidentally found out about this way before I even got to Chapter 4 during my friend’s playthrough of Ultra Despair Girls. I’ll admit I was in denial, and I wanted to believe it was some sort of misunderstanding. Sadly it wasn’t one. Some say it was just a lame joke Haiji made, but I don’t know. Regardless, it broke my heart because I didn’t have a problem with him before that happened. But despite this, I couldn’t bring myself to hate him like 95% of the fandom. And I shouldn’t be forced to hate him. I hate the fact that he’s a pedo, not the character himself. Call me insane if you want, but it’s the truth.

2. Haiji’s a child abuser!

Another thing that I know and understand. Yes, the way he treated Monaca was wrong on so many levels, including calling her an alien or unwanted and always reminding her that she’s unloved. Abuse is and will always be wrong. Haiji hated her out of bitterness and jealousy, especially when her genius intellect started to shine, and he just didn’t care about her at all. What he did to a child was cruel, there’s no denying it.

3. He’s a jerk, a coward, a horrible leader.

I’d say that I’m not blind to this as well, but this is just me having to repeat myself over and over. I know what he’s like. Haiji’s a jerk and a coward who didn’t fight back against the kids and Monokumas. He didn’t do much for the Resistance, but he should be given some credit for trying to keep the surviving adults safe. Sure, he didn’t do anything until Komaru’s inspiring speech, but he did what he thought what was best for the survivors. The keyword is “thought.” And I have a feeling I know what someone might say immediately, which will lead to the next point in a moment.

I’m not familiar with leadership, but I know Haiji’s not a perfect leader. People have pointed this out a lot from what I’ve seen. He accused Komaru and Toko of luring the Monokumas even though it wasn’t on purpose. He didn’t listen to anything they had to say. He doesn’t fight back right away. But did it ever occur to anyone that he doesn’t know much about leadership? He didn’t know what he was doing, just like any inexperienced person would if they wound up in a similar situation. But he did have some good points. I actually sympathized with him when he first appeared. He didn’t want to fight back if it meant risking the survivors getting killed. Also, Haiji did admit he was being a coward later on, so he knew he wasn’t being a good leader. He’s not the perfect leader you would expect, but he did try. Of course, his bad choices do hinder what should have been decent choices.

4. Haiji’s selfish!

Alright, his desire for revenge is selfish. He cared more about himself and what he wanted out of this, but if he truly didn’t care about others, why did he form the Resistance in the first place if he didn’t care about anyone else? I don’t approve of him wanting revenge against the Warriors of Hope and the brainwashed kids, but I understand why he would feel that way.

5. Haiji wanted to kill all the kids!

The scene from Chapter 5 is one that I will always remember. I confess that I was against Haiji for wanting to break the controller, even if it meant killing all of the brainwashed kids. His selfishness, rage, and revenge intensified here. He even attacked Toko, a character I used to despise. She’s not a favorite, but even I hated when he threatened her. Haiji was an irrational bastard throughout this chapter, and hating him for this reason is valid just like the first two. But I still understand his behavior here. Also, note that I didn’t include the other two reasons, so I’ll get to that in a moment.

Now that those reasons have been covered, I can get to the part where I can discuss my overall opinion. All of these reasons for hating him are valid, and some of them are more valid than the others. But I want to do something first. For this next part, shove the pedophilia and child abuse aside. Pretend those traits don’t exist for a moment.

Put yourself in Haiji’s shoes. You are the heir of Towa Group, a conglomerate that will be all yours someday. During your life of luxury in a city that you are destined to run someday, you discover you have a stepsister, Monaca. She later surpassed you and is helping the company, making you feel angry and jealous because a child managed to surpass you. You feel threatened and useless, and you develop an inferiority complex.

To not make matters worse for you, you just ignore her (considering how the wheelchair “accident” already happened). As long as she’s making the company profit, you don’t care what she does. The company is what matters to you. But little did you know, those Monokumas she’s developing are “death machines”, but you’re too late to realize it. You choose not to risk the company exposing everything, so you don’t say anything to not lose everything you’ve been working hard on for a long time.

Then suddenly, your father is killed right before your eyes by the same Monokumas. You barely manage to escape, but unfortunately, you get attacked too. Your arm is ripped apart and you scream in pure agony as children laugh at you. It’s a traumatizing experience for you, but because of all the conflict, your emotions take over your mindset. You blame it on the children. Monaca, who had manipulated everyone, is the enemy in your eyes. You begin to hate the children with all your heart, and wish for vengeance.

You’re forced to hide, unable to fight back after what had happened. You try to think of a plan, but deep down, you’re too afraid to do anything. Everything was traumatizing to you, so you just remain hidden from danger all while making sure the survivors don’t suffer the same way. But when words of encouragement inspire you to fight back, you rally up all the others to fight the kids that you have grown to despise for what they’ve done. Blinded by hatred, rage, and revenge, you don’t care if the kids die. You’ve suffered so much, you just want it all to end at all costs.

This only explains some of his actions, but seeing things from his perspective is key to understanding Haiji’s way of thinking. I did this because people don’t seem to notice that Haiji’s an emotion-driven man. He’s intelligent despite people claiming that he’s an idiot, but his emotions clouded his logic. He can’t think logically because he’s so fueled by revenge. He’s not an idiot, he’s inexperienced. He didn’t know what he was doing. His emotions dominated rationality, which in turn led to the way he was in-game. Being selfish and filled with revenge alongside being emotion-driven and unable to think clearly makes sense.

“But he’s a pedophile and an abuser!” I know that already, but I’m not defending him about that. Excluding the forced pedophilia and abuse, all of Haiji’s actions aren’t being excused here. I’m not excusing any of his actions at all. Understanding them and supporting them aren’t interchangeable. I wouldn’t be writing this post if I were the blind fangirl who believes that he did nothing wrong, something that people accuse me of being. Well, apparently it’s false. I can like a character without liking everything that a character does. Liking everything about a character is a dangerous mindset that I don’t have.

On to my next opinion. Haiji Towa had a lot of wasted potential. I don’t know why all of his untapped potential was never utilized. He had so much going for him, it kind of hurts to see a lot of ideas being poorly executed. In my honest opinion, Haiji could have been written better. UDG intended to make characters fall into the gray area, but even without the obvious stuff, Haiji still could have worked to fit with the theme that not everyone is completely good or completely bad. The pedophilia and abuse were forced and unnecessary to me because with everything else, Haiji already fit the theme of the game. The extra push was overkill in my eyes.

And then there’s the argument which states that he was meant to be hated, so that’s why Haiji is the way he is. Some people even told me that I missed the point of his character. No, I didn’t. I know he was made to be hated, but wasn’t Monaca the one meant to be hated? Why drag Haiji into it? Anyway, even if Haiji was made to be hated by everyone, I’m not obligated to like it. For me, they ruined him, ruined what could have been a great character, and I know there are people who feel the same way.

Haiji wasn’t allowed better writing. He didn’t get more focus, and never had a chance to get redemption. If they had taken better care of his character, Haiji could have been an antihero type of character who would get a redemption arc. He had plenty of traits that fit the character type, so all he needed was redeeming qualities and more focus to make him less of a plot device and more of an actual character. I like antiheroes, and that’s what drew me in to his character.

Why am I passionate about a character everyone hates? This will shock people, but Haiji and I have a lot in common. Again, the pedophilia and abuse do not count. We are emotion-driven and insecure. It can be proven by those who know me, and even I’m aware of how emotional and insecure I can get. We don’t always think logically, and it screws us over. We are cowardly and paranoid, too afraid to take risks, and we are hotheaded by struggling to see when we are wrong and don’t ask or accept help. We get jealous of others who upstage us (except I never abused nor will I ever abuse anyone), and we do hold grudges.

Haiji and I are both passionate in our own ways, and we are both intelligent when we can be. Plus we dress casually, and we can be sarcastic and laid-back when we’re not jerks. Yes, even I can be a jerk towards others, but my positive qualities outweigh my negative qualities.

However, unlike Haiji, I’m trying to overcome whatever flaws we both share, but it takes time to improve myself. Trying to be more confident and rational isn’t an easy task. Heck, I still struggle with accepting help from others. Also, I used to be vengeful towards others for a variety of reasons, especially after I was emotionally abused by a toxic friend, but I’m doing better now. I still express bitterness towards her and people who have hurt me recently, but I’m not out there seeking revenge.

Removing the pedophilia and adjusting some things, Haiji could have had more depth, only he wasn’t allowed more attention. It’s pretty sad when I think about it. He’s one of the most realistic characters of the series, and he was handled improperly. All of this is why I was driven to do something about it, which now leads to my own portion of this post.

*************************************************

My experiences as one of the few Haiji fans have resulted in mixed feelings about the fandom. When I realized I liked Haiji more than expected and started to see the hate he constantly gets, I knew I was taking a risk when I decided to tackle something. That something was my goal to create an AU Haiji Towa. I never saw anyone do it before, so I knew it would cause problems, but I did it anyway.

Basically I started writing stories where Haiji isn’t a pedophile or an abuser (at least not to an extreme). My stories gained attention as time went on, and I admit I got so excited knowing that people acknowledged my efforts. So I kept going with them alongside my Haiji roleplay accounts. In a sense, I made this into a commitment, plus I was having fun writing a more likable version of Haiji. But there was a problem that I didn’t realize until recently. My Haiji was too different to the point where he was an OC.

I won’t lie, I refused to see it, but people did question my efforts because of it. I’m embarrassed to look back on those memories now that I know they were right. It’s no wonder he was rejected in Killing Game roleplays. That problem is now solved now that I’m rewriting all of my Haiji stories. They are stories that are now deleted, but they will come back but better. The way I roleplay Haiji was altered as well. It felt like all of my efforts were for nothing, but they weren’t. For my new portrayal of Haiji, I’m going to lean more towards canon, but considering how his backstory and personality are lacking in some areas, I can still take creative liberties with my AU Haiji.

I know I’m saying all of this as if nothing bad had happened, but I did say I’ve developed mixed feelings about the fandom. First off, the hate towards Haiji fans is ridiculous and disturbing. I’ve never seen so much hatred for a fictional character, ranging from wishing death upon him to hating actual people. Hating Haiji is valid, but the fact that people hate those who like him is taking things too far. They are falsely accused of being pedo/abuse apologists. I experienced that myself, and it’s annoying.

In my case, I was accused of glorifying Haiji Towa, so anything to do with him was banned from a place where I usually hang out often. Talking about him, roleplaying as him, anything related to Haiji, is banned. What made it hurt for me is the rule seemed like a call-out. Why? It said it doesn’t matter if it’s an AU Haiji, it’s still an issue. Just because I like him doesn’t mean I glorify pedophilia and abuse. I said this a million times to those people, yet my voice remained unheard. A minor detail was when they also accused me of liking him just because he’s attractive. Yes, I do believe he’s handsome, but that’s not the only reason why I like him, or else why would I write this post? Why make this if I’m a “shallow fangirl” who doesn’t see issues with him? I’m not stupid to behave like that, and I hate it when people misunderstand or underestimate me.

Another embarrassing moment was when my tastes in characters was questioned. They told me that I shouldn’t like characters like that, but again I don’t like Haiji for those obvious things. The same can apply for any character. People can like whatever character they want without supporting everything that they do. So, if I like Korekiyo, I support incest? I like Kokichi, do I approve of compulsive lying? What about Tenko, does that mean I hate men? NO. I don’t support any of those things.

And another thing, I like Haiji, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do the same things as him. Liking a character doesn’t equal being the character. Hating a character doesn’t equal hating people who happen to like a character. People like characters for thousands of reasons, and doing this sort of thing puts Haiji fans in a negative light when we don’t deserve it. Without a doubt, there are Haiji fans who…like him for being a pedophile and/or an abuser, but those are a minority of Haiji fans. Fans that should stay away from me and everyone else. Not all of us are pedo/abuse apologists, and these false accusations only serve to demonize us when we are innocent.

I hate to bring up this next thing, but it’s something that caused me to lose trust in people. This whole time, I thought they encouraged and supported me for liking Haiji and my efforts to create my AU Haiji. It turns out they didn’t. On one hand, I understand why and I can respect that. I’m not trying to change everyone’s opinions with this post. The reason why this hurt was I trusted them. I thought they were on my side, but then I realized they have been questioning me and never appreciated my efforts the whole time.

Two things come to mind. The first one is I don’t care if people hate Haiji, but people should at least respect those who do. Hate Haiji, but respect me. But if people hate me in the process just for liking Haiji, then there’s nothing I can do about that. As for the second thing, I know not everyone will appreciate my AU Haiji. Even after they made me realize the way I’ve been writing him, it won’t resonate with everyone. It’s not a big deal there, but I still felt like they lied to me, as if my efforts have been invalidated. The same people didn’t attack me directly, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

What’s worse is, I almost tried to write Haiji as he was in canon because they believed it was the right way to do it if I wanted to give him a redemption arc. I was forcing myself to do it, but my heart kept telling me this isn’t what I want to do. I can’t stick with all of canon, it goes against my principle to keep the pedophilia and some of the abuse out of my AU Haiji. That’s what I’ve been doing all this time, and I’m not going against that. I’m sorry to those the people who suggested it, but I don’t want to do it. My plans for my own version of Haiji wouldn’t work if those things were intact. I’m done trying to please others. I’m a writer, and I like to write stories that don’t make me feel like I’m forcing myself to write something in some way. I want to write what I want, not what others want. So my plans for my AU Haiji will be a combination of all of the things I added to him, and what’s canon to make him a better AU Haiji. But no pedophilia and abuse (at least the severe kind of abuse). Ever.

I apologize if I sounded irritated in some places, but I’ve had a lot of emotions bottled up and I just knew writing this post would help me release them in a more productive way. The last things I want to say is all of this toxicity in the fandom is insane. I don’t hate anyone. I used to, but I realize I don’t care anymore. It’s a waste of time. What I do care is people should be allowed to like whatever they want without people breathing on their backs and making them feel bad.

If I hadn’t tackled my AU Haiji, I wouldn’t have returned to writing ever again. I was in a bad place because of the abusive friendship I had dealt with years ago. I haven’t written anything for years until I became a Haiji fan. Haiji, or Danganronpa in general, revived my love for writing. And I wouldn’t have met my friends on Discord if I hadn’t done any of this. It’s thanks to them that I’ve done so many things that I never imagined myself doing, and it’s thanks to them that I’m doing my best to improve myself as a person. It’ll be a long journey, but I don’t have to do it alone. So despite the toxicity, it was worth making it this far.

I’m lucky that I’m still here doing what I want to do. There were times when I wanted to just give up, but I have friends, real friends, who support me and don’t want me to give up on what I love. And I won’t. Besides, there are Haiji fans out there who feel the exact same way as me. If people could give them a chance, give us a chance, they could see that we’re great people. In the end, I didn’t just write this post for myself. I wrote it for all the Haiji fans out there that are afraid to speak up. And they’re right to stay hidden, and personally, I hope they see this post.

Alright, I’ve said everything that I wanted to say. I hope you guys took the time to read this lengthy post. Please respect my opinions, I never wrote this to cause any harm, but I needed to say everything that I’ve wanted to say for so long. Now I can put this to rest and move on.

[autumnslance]

Lmao I got three I'm particularly curious about for you on the character meme. Thancred, Lahabrea, Igeyorhm. XD Feel free to do as many or as few as you'd like of course!

You asked for it. We’ll start with That Damned Rogue. The Ascians will be below.

This of course got long, so behind a cut it goes:

Thancred

First impression: I started in Gridania and took like 2 years to finish ARR 2.0, was already spoiled on the possession angle (I spoiled myself, no big), and had just @erickgage‘s affectionate joking summary of Thancred being the guy who shows up 5 minutes late with Starbucks to all the early battles. So I didn’t really get to meet the guy ‘til the Waking Sands.

And honestly, he was stereotypical generic bland anime prettyboy competent guy. His 1.0/ARR model is…just sorta there. He was a flirt, also generic as heck. Really didn’t register too much, until I finished 2.0 finally and then went hard on the MSQ through the patches and into HW and StB 4.0, when I finally caught up to content.

Impression now: Godsdammit.

My first replay through the game was on PunchyCat, starting in Ul’dah, which meant I got to meet Thancred much earlier. I was immediately amused by his nickname for Nanamo, and Papashan’s assessment of the witty Archon. I was more into the lore, getting the first lorebook and reading the short stories on the main site, and playing through all at once instead of piecemeal over months/years made things make more sense. Thancred hits a lot of tropes I commonly like in a lot of characters, so he jumped up to being a favorite.

Gunbreaker suits him as a tank job (thank goodness he can stop trying to tank warmachina as a rogue, ffs Thancred), and tanking in general suits him when it comes to fighting for those he cares about.

I’m interested in the ShB story mentioning why he wears white in all his gear iterations; I’d previously made a post about his color choices and that aspect of character design, but having a lore explanation for his affinity for that color was interesting. I didn’t think his HW model suited him, honestly; way too rough mountain man hobo. His model in ShB is closer to his ARR model, but different enough, and imbued now with actual character, that he’s a bit more visually interesting and while still pretty typical handsome anime protagonist in appearance; his true personality just comes through a lot more.

I’m still forever mad about the unintentional character ‘ship with Aeryn, tho. It took a 3rd playthrough for it to happen.

For myself, mind, when I got into playing and learned his canonical age, it was at the time the same difference between myself and my younger brother. My assessment of the Scion “family” with Thancred being the middle child (esp his behavior pre-HW) maybe helps that. I’m getting to a point, really, where I look at the characters under 35 and think “OMG disaster children, all of you.”

Favorite moment: Oh goodness. There’s some good ones.

‘How was I supposed to know all my girlfriends would track me down and show up at HQ all at the same time: a master class in how to not to deal with multiple paramours by Archon T. Waters.’

His dramatic reappearance and duel with Ardbert in HW 3.1.

Taking out his frustrations by soloing the Coerthas cyclops boss so we can get on with the Tournament and fight Raubahn. (Side Bonus: pre-tournament when he jokes about fighting for the other team to even up the odds, and then: “It looks to be a veritable who’s who of the Eorzean Alliance. The only question is: who came to watch and who came to fight? Hmm…Nanamo. Definitely Nanamo.”)

Making sure Urianger knew he was still part of the team post-Soul Surrender climax.

“All right, which one of you triggered the obvious trap?” Also learning he can hold his breath for 10 freaking minutes–but still gets to be jealous of the WoL, Lyse, and Alisaie for their kojin blessing.

That dramatic teamwork with Urianger to knock Ran’jit down the pit in Rak’tika.

That frickin’ Trolley duty and it’s aftermath with the completed checklist of anime death markers and then just sitting there battered and bleeding and smiling and then giving Ryne a name and a headpat and “You’re family.” Bastard.

Idea for a story: Have you seen my Ao3 account? *grumbles*

Unpopular opinion: While he likely used drinking as a bad coping mechanism at times in ARR’s patches, I doubt he ever really went to blackout, as losing control to that extent, after having been controlled and probably losing a lot of time while possessed, would be awful. We see him drink a few times, but I don’t think he is/was an alcoholic.

I also agree with @ahlis-xiv that his flirtatious persona was mostly adopted. While he probably does have a healthy libido and enjoys time with paramours (that Urianger keeps a handy list of), there’s a lot that’s likely exaggerated, allowed to be assumed, and otherwise used as a cover, given his specializations. It’s also noteworthy how he’s mostly acting the same even after being lost in the wilderness, right up until our foray into the Antitower. The wit/humor gets toned down a lot, but the flirting is cut out entirely after that. He still charms some ladies in the First, based on incidental dialogue, but that seems a general reaction to him being a handsome hero type rather than any intentional flirtatious act on his part.

Favorite relationship: Thancred and little sister types. I do wish we’d seen more of his relationship with Minfilia outside of informed moments and the short stories. I feel like he has a semi-older-brother relationship with Lyse, too, given their antics in the 2.0 patches (particularly the “Hoary’s fighting the WoL, come watch!” and Thancred not even considering how one of his girlfriends would see him sending Lyse to retrieve an item until after and going “oh yeah, whoops”). And now there’s Ryne, and she is totally running things if you watch their background conversations/body language. But that’s kind of where Thancred likes it; find a girl who needs a protective older brother and do what she asks and whatever she needs.

I do have a special place in my heart for the expanded broship with Urianger that Shadowbringers gave us, though. I’ve already spoken on that one.

Favorite headcanon: Everything people assume about how he spoils the nutkin. And really, focusing on taking care of and doting on a pet would be good therapy. Goodness knows he needs it.

Also I assume he and Hilda hooked up at least once during the HW patches. Part of that expectation and cover, sure, to immediately flirt with the pretty, tough, half-elezen guard captain. But also, he spent however long mostly alone, and then only with the Vath and a nutkin for company; the guy was probably touch-starved and lonely and just needing a connection to another person he could relate to (that wasn’t a bug).

Otherwise, again, have you seen my Ao3? Ugh. Damned snarky smart rogues…

————

Lahabrea

First impression: Laughing Organization XIII-wannabe is obvious villain. Wonder what their deal is.

Impression now: So much lost/wasted potential thanks to being stuck as the ARR villain when it was so hastily rewritten and acted, and so little was decided on the Ascians and their motivations yet. A lot of what we learn now retroactively makes him more interesting. The fact he was a workaholic who looked at the workaholic Scion and went “ah yes; that one will do, perfect” makes me laugh.

Favorite moment: I like his interactions with Elidibus. And I am actually fairly fond of his theatrical reveal in Praetorium about the Ultima Weapon, the Heart of Sabik, and casting Ultima.

Idea for a story: Maybe stuff while he’s possessing Thancred. Maybe stuff between then and the Reactor. I dunno; I’ve been enjoying a lot of others’ stories about our first Ascian antagonist.

Unpopular opinion: Dunno if this is unpopular, but some of the retroactive information is to excuse why he seemed so much less powerful than other, later Ascians, but I do think the Speaker could be quite devious and powerful, if he had better writing around him. He suffers for being from ARR.

Favorite relationship: I am not ashamed to admit I am a Lahabrea/Igeyorhm shipper and Hades Ex seems to agree with me so there.

Favorite headcanon: The Speaker likely also had a good singing voice. Another thing good about possessing a man whose primary cover was a bard–excuses to indulge that.

————

Igeyorhm

First impression: Wannabe-Organization XIII also hires women, cool. Wonder if she’ll get to do anything?

Impression now: I’m sad so much got cut from HW; as great as it was, a lot got left on the editing room floor and it shows in spots–particularly where the Ascians connect with the plot. We learn much about her retroactively as well, including how she worked for/with Lahabrea thanks to being the one to wreck the Thirteenth, and change Ascian policy on how to bring about Rejoinings. I still wanna know more about her.

Favorite moment: You beat the whale, good job–thanks, that’s my key now. It’s such a perfect dick move. Excellent timing and taunting. 

Idea for a story: Maybe some of her inner thoughts working for/with Lahabrea. She was a raised up shard, so does that mean they found the scattered pieces of her original soul and force-merged them? I doubt it, since Emet-Selch mentions raising up those who are a piece of the previous office holder, but I wonder if it came with imbuing the new title-holder with some of those memories and knowledge. Perhaps she wonders if some of her interactions/feelings/whatever with Lahabrea are her own, or her tapping into her previous life’s memories. Something to think about, anyway.

Unpopular opinion: I dunno, she shoulda gotten to stick around longer? Or been allowed to do a lot more? Should have been much more of a presence in HW, but I don’t think that’s unpopular so much as unconsidered.

Favorite relationship: Lahabrea is really the only one she gets significant interactions with. Though I wonder about her interactions with the other few women in the Ascians.

Favorite headcanon: See above with the story ideas, really; she didn’t get a lot of time onscreen so there’s a lot of room to make things up, and retroactive info from ShB to make her more interesting, or at least her situation as an upraised Ascian.

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Eight

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

I accidentally messed up the numbering on part Seven’s link to post six, so if you missed post six (or yesterday’s part seven), the numbering up there is correct.

Wherein we get back out into the galaxy, explore, help some people, and kill some others!

So now that we have Liara, it’s time to really dig into the galaxy.  We have a few people we talked to on the CItadel who need help, and maybe we’ll stumble into a few more things along the way.

First of all, let’s check out the galaxy map...

Hey wait a sec, what’s this?

Petra Nebula!?  Oh hey, another new addition by the ME1 Recalibrated mod.

Gorgeous map, only one system available.

Heeeey we recognize this place, we’ll get to go there in.... two games!

Can’t land there (or anywhere in the system) but it’s cool that it exists! There are a couple of other neat little things in the system I didn’t screenshot so that you can have a cool new experience yourself if you decide to use the mod on your next playthrough.

What I really miss from ME3, by the way, is the % markers which note when you’ve fully explored a system or if there’s more stuff to find there.

Anyway, my PLAN had been to take a screenshot of each planet or spacecraft before I entered it to help orient the playthrough better, and then the non-screenshotting couple of hours happened, so we lost some of that along the way, sorry.  

Still, let’s see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into.

I love this planet.  The lava juuuuust below the surface, peeking out.  Just some of the coolest terrain in the game.

What a great view, let’s get a little clo--

OOPS.

I meant to do that.

Wide open spaces with no fears of a thresher maw living in the lava! ...I hope?

Ah, here’s our objective, a distress signal being sent from this location, let’s see if we can help...

FUCKING GETH AMBUSH.

Aw yeah, jumping over those explosives like a pro!

...most of the time.

Well this planet was a bust.  Let’s see if we can actually help someone.

Another planet, scanned a few things, not sure what we’re doing here but hey, I found a lone building!

Ah yes, a prefab which is totally different from all the prefabs we’ll enter because the creates are stacked in a different configuration.

Honestly they should have put one of these prefabs in ME3 for Old Times Sake. (The ones that actually look like homes/labs/whatever make so much more sense.)

Annnd we’re being attacked.  Not sure why, but here we go!

Awww yeah, Throw!  And Ash and Kaidan managing to be useful I think?

Except they let a guy slip by us, but luckily there’s a convenient explosive nearby.  That got ‘em.

OK back to facing forward OH FUCK A KROGAN.

Kaidan’s biotics and my shotgun, a favorite combination.  Now stay down!

Sweet, level up!

And that fight’s over, time to explore this pla...

Whew, thanks Kaidan.

This guy thought he could sneak past me.  Well me, my shotgun and my 20 shield strength sure showed him.

ME1 combat is so... messy though.  I mean, I honestly still enjoy it, but I’m in the camp that agrees combat gets better every game, Andromeda included.  Of course, I just REALLY LOVE Vanguarding in ME3... charging into a group of enemies, hitting Nova, spamming charge again praying that I’ll find a good target to charge to in time.  ME1 combat is basically all just... spam abilities from cover and hope your companions are doing something useful.  Being a Vanguard is more about style over substance in ME here.  I mean you do get some really useful abilities, but your shotgun isn’t that much use unless things get too close.

Which, you know, they do pretty often.

Anyway, remember... I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!

FUCK I hadn’t been back to the Citadel to pick up Nassana Dantius’ quest yet.  Let’s just reload the quicksave from outside and we’ll... come back and do this the right way later and see the entire quest.

I do this more often than I care to admit.

Also no screenshot for this but... I also found Wrex’s personal quest planet and recognized it only when I saw the building, since it’s in a pretty memorable location.  Still, grabbed everything else off the planet so it’ll be quick when it’s time to go back and do that quest.

Well let’s go back to poking around the galaxy.

Message coming in.  Patching it through.

Ah, yeah, hey Hackett.  What’s that?  You’ve got some dirty work you need me to do for you?  Cool, be right there.

Before the ME2 DLC Arrival came out, Hackett was one of Mass Effect’s biggest mysteries.  Who is this guy?  Why is he telling us to do things?  Does he have some secret agenda?  Why is he so sketchy?  Our Shepards seemed to trust him but WOW he sure did send us on some touchy missions.  Speculation was all over the place on what he looked like and what he was really doing.

Turns out, he’s just a pretty cool guy who wants you to take on all the secret spy missions the Alliance doesn’t want to take credit for.

I wish I’d saved it, but just a week or two ago I saw a pretty great post circulating about Hackett.  He IS the guy that’s going to make sure a job gets done, even if he’s not going to do it himself.  He’s the back-room Admiral with the squeaky clean image up front.  He’s the Gus Fring of the Alliance.

Also getting Lance Riddick to voice him was great.  Just a real authoritative, steady guy who you actually want to trust.  

And it turns out he looks basically exactly like most people thought, but maybe with a few more scars. (I mean, he really looks a lot like Lance Riddick, tbh)  But we don’t know that yet.  For now, let the mystery be.

Time to actually go help someone.

Ah yeah, Chairman Burns, we do negotiate with terrorists, in this case.  But they needed negotiating with.

Maxing out the Paragon-meter is worth it for moments like this.  These guys have probably suffered and it’s no surprise that no one has really listened.  Sounds like a lot about the galaxy hasn’t changed since we got out there.

This is also an excellent moment for Kaidan.

Being able to let Kaidan reason with them is fantastic.  Although he probably ultimately doesn’t make a difference mechanics wise, it’d be nice if maybe the check is easier if he’s here.  I don’t know.  But Kaidan knows, even if he’s one of the “lucky” ones who “only” gets migraines.  

One of the grossest posts I’ve seen about Kaidan are people who argue she shouldn’t be on the team because of his implants and since he has a “disability”.  Or that it’s “kinder” to sacrifice him on Virmire.  That’s some real gross ablism you’ve got there.  

Anyway, I love being able to keep this situation under control. Burns actually comes through if you do, even if those guys probably go to prison for awhile for terrorism.  Better than being dead.

Time for... another planet!

Again, didn’t take a screencap of this one but... there’s a missing survey team? I must have picked this quest up in the elevators, because normally you get it on Noveria.  Anyway,  Let’s go find them on Trebin, I’m sure they just can’t broadcast anymore or something.  It’s cool

FUCK. SHIT SHIT SHIT.  FUCK!!!

I probably could have actually used Warp or Throw or even Barrier there but... too late now!  We lived!

I was all ready to blame this on Cerberus, but creepily, there’s no explanation for who huskified them or why.   I’m still going to blame Cerberus, seems like something they’d do.

Well, time to move on.

Honestly, I can’t believe anyone who says ME1 isn’t beautiful.

And driving the Mako is FUN in places like this!

Oh there’s a camp up ahead, we’re here to find the remaining crew of a crashed ship for our new friend in the Citadel Tower.  

Again, no footage/screenshot but eventually you find where the mercenaries tracked down Willem (the brother) and killed them.  Shit.  We were too late.  I actually tear up sometimes telling Garoth that his brother died.  They held out for awhile, too, but we were too late.

It would have been nice if, say, if the very first thing we did after leaving the Citadel was to come here, we could have saved him, but I guess this quest is another way of Bioware telling us that sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do to change things.

One more quest this update, then we’re stopping back off at the Citadel next.

Presrop, one of the most well-known of the sidequest planets. (OKok, technically it’s a moon.)

One of my favorite landing sequences, just because the stars make it so... dramatic.

I mean DAMN.

Klendagon's most striking feature is, of course, the Great Rift valley that stretches across the southern hemisphere. What is most fascinating about the Rift is that it does not appear to be natural. The geological record suggests it is the result of a "glancing blow" by a mass accelerator round of unimaginable destructive power. This occurred some thirty-seven million years ago.

It took a solid three minutes of Flycam flying to get that closeup shot, btw.  I actually flew all the way in the first time I came here, and didn’t take screenshots.  Took about six minutes.  The updated texture is impressive.

Well, Hackett sent us here, let’s deal with Major Kyle.

Being nice and non-threatening gets you into places.

I’ll admit, before I came in here, I decided to cheat in enough paragon points to max out Paragon already.  For me personally, I’m trying to make sure this is an “ultimate” playthrough, a save file I can just use over and over from here on out.  I want everything to import into ME3 the first time around with all the plot flags set how I want them without messing with Gibbed’s Savegame Editor, so making sure I can convince everyone how I want them to is important.  So hey, Major Kyle, stand down.

I don’t think I’ve ever played as a Ruthless Shepard in ME1, or if I have, it’s been so long I’ve forgotten how it goes.  But he was the commanding officer at the battle of Torfan, and your CO if you’re Ruthless.  He’s also a reminder of how serious PTSD can be, and what it can do to a person.  

I also love this tidbit from the Wiki, which I didn’t know since I’d never done these particular choices before:

(In Mass Effect 2)  If Martin Burns was not saved in 2183, a news report on the Citadel will announce that Kyle is trying to form an all-biotic community as the reparations were not given to L2 biotics and they have become even more alienated from galactic society.

I really liked that if you reason with him, he doesn’t give you any trouble and turns himself in like he says.

Hey, this negotiation thing is easy when you’re the best person in the galaxy at it!!

[mysmashplaythroughs]

Pikachu Playthrough (Fire Red)

Fighter: Pikachu

Game: Pokemon Fire Red, Game Boy Advance. First Released on January 29th 2004.

Fighter Bio.

Pikachu is a species of Electric Mouse Pokemon which is the evolved form of Pichu and evolves into Raichu through the use of a Thunderstone. It is found most often in forests but also has been seen in urban environments such as towns and power plants. Pikachus raise their tails in order to monitor their surroundings and have been known to use their electric power to shock berries in order to tenderise them so they can eat them. They store electricity in the pouches on their cheeks and when many Pikachu gather, they can build their electricity to the point they can cause lightning storms. Pikachus charge electricity as they sleep and therefore will be weaker if they have been unable to rest. A Pikachu holding a light ball, an item that only it can use, will have its special and attack power doubled which can make it stronger without evolving. Pikachus sometimes tend to have a rivalry with their evolved form Raichu and have been known to refuse to evolve.

There have been a few specific notable Pikachu in the game series, the most famous being Red’s Pikachu who has been the highest level Pokemon in the game series used by an NPC. Cosplay Pikachu is another specific Pikachu, in this case a female Pikachu who can be dressed in different ways. Outside of the game series, Pikachu owes most of its fame to the anime series where it is the main character (who is based on Red) Ash’s starter Pokemon and is the only Pokemon that has travelled with him through every series. Due to this, Pikachu is considered the mascot of the entire Pokemon series with it often receiving a new variant, move or form in each Generation of Pokemon.

Crossovers with other Smash characters: As with many Pokemon there haven’t really been any crossovers of Pikachu appearing in other game series. The closest to any sort of crossover is Mario vs Wario being referenced on a tv screen in the Copy Cat’s house in Saffron City. It’s an interesting coincidence that this city is also the one where the Pokemon stage for Super Smash Bros 64 takes place.

Why this game?

I decided to go for this game with regards to Pikachu for a couple of reasons. The first and simplest reason is that this is its debut generation with it being from the Kanto Pokedex. I chose Fire Red as I find Fire Red and Leaf Green to be the best versions of Gen 1 to play, with them having the majority of improvements that had been made to the series by the time it had reached the GBA as well as having a lot more content available such as the Sevii Isles and Pikachu’s pre-evolution Pichu for example which wasn’t in the original game. I also have a lot of nostalgia for these versions of the games which I will detail in Pokemon Trainer’s (Red) post later when it comes to the game specifically. There are later games that would have been just as good to have Pikachu on the team in, however the reason I went for this specifically is that a lot of Super Smash Bros Pokemon content is influenced by the anime, with Pikachu being based a fair bit on Ash’s Pikachu. Therefore, I felt as Pokemon Fire Red is the story of Red’s journey that it made the most sense that my choice for the game to represent Red’s Pikachu, which was based somewhat on Ash’s Pikachu. Finally I’d like to note, I did play Pokemon Yellow later on my list which has Pikachu as the starter and is based on the anime more, however as I wanted to go for the game which is more in line with the overall game canon I decided to stick with this choice for the standard Super Smash Bros Pikachu.

My past with this Pokemon.

So I suppose, although I have long denied it, Pikachu is in a sense my favourite Pokemon of all time. The reason for this is not because of Pikachu as such however, but because my favourite Pokemon of all time is Raichu. As I personally tend to look at Pokemon as the whole evolutionary line overall by extension it would make Pikachu and Pichu (and definitely Alolan Raichu) my favourite Pokemon also. When it comes to me specifically with Raichu, back when I was in school and Pokemon was becoming extremely popular, I remember for some time I hated it, mostly as it was everywhere and I guess I was determined to be a non-conformist. I’ve always been a big fan of figurines however, and I remember when I was at school, seeing someone with a Raichu figure, which really interested me. I forget now but I think I asked them a fair bit about it and they let me have a look at it. I always put that down as the moment I decided to finally give in and look at Pokemon, granted knowing how much of a Nintendo fanboy I am I know it was inevitable I’d probably have looked into it regardless, still I’ve just always found Raichu cool, and that it was the less popular evolution of Pikachu appealed even more to the non-conformist in me I guess. Since then I’ve always been a huge fan of Raichu and I’ll admit it’s made me somewhat tired of Pikachu getting all the glory, so when Raichu finally got something new with its Alolan form I was ecstatic.

Anyway, that’s enough about Raichu, when it comes to Pikachu, I think my favourite element of it has always been that despite its popularity, overall it’s not a huge draw in the games. Pikachu has over the years seen various upgrades such as the Light Ball which powers it up, various alternate forms and unique moves, however in the original Red and Blue it was a fairly simple Pokemon that was somewhat uncommon and would appear not too far into the game, in Viridian Forest. I think that’s always been my favourite aspect of Pikachu when it comes down to it, that it’s not a special event Pokemon, or even a starter Pokemon (barring games like Pokemon Yellow of course) but really just a cute and fairly useful Pokemon you can come across or just totally ignore if you want. I’ve personally often caught a Pikachu during my playthroughs of Gen 1 not just as I want Raichu, but I’ve just always liked finding it, it’s the main thing I tend to look out for in Viridian Forest really. Despite all I’ve said here, I did like however the starter Pikachu in Pokemon Yellow who follows you around, to the point as a kid I’ll admit I’d have a Pikachu plush that I’d like to pretend to go on adventures with. I guess my final comment on Pikachu is simply that whilst I like the current design, I’ve always preferred the chubbier Pikachu design, which coincidentally was the design used in the very first Super Smash Bros before the later games went with the more streamlined version.

My Smash Playthrough.

My Pikachu was Level 56 when I finished the game, with a Bold nature and having been met in Viridian Forest at Level 3. It has the ability Static and the moves Thundershock, Quick Attack, Thunderbolt and Thunder. I remember due to its unevolved form it would struggle a fair bit later in the game with its low defences. If it could pull off an attack however it could still do a fair bit of damage so it didn’t struggle as much as some of the other Pokemon I used in the playthrough. The Elite 4 were the biggest challenge as they often are, however more so in this playthrough than usual due to me using a fair few unevolved Pokemon. Pikachu was able to hold its own against certain Pokemon due to its type advantage following a lot of training, taking down a fair few of Lorelei’s Pokemon and doing well against Gyarados. Beyond this however there aren’t a lot of events related to Pikachu I can remember in this specific playthrough.

Specific aspects about the game relating to Pikachu in Smash.

When it comes to Pokemon it’s usually not too difficult to replicate their portrayal in Super Smash Bros. Pikachu had the moves Thundershock, Quick Attack, Thunderbolt and Thunder in my playthrough of Fire Red. Thunder and Quick Attack are directly used by Pikachu in Super Smash Bros, however in the Smash series, Pikachu uses an attack called Thunder Jolt which does not exist in the Pokemon series. Due to the attack not doing a lot of damage I therefore felt that Thundershock was the best alternative for it. When it comes to Pikachu’s other move from Super Smash Bros, Skull Bash, this move is only learned by Pikachu in Gen 1, and is not available for it in Fire Red. Due to this, I felt that the best move to give Pikachu based on its attacks in Super Smash Bros was Thunderbolt, which I feel can be seen as a stand-in for Pikachu’s forward smash attack, where it releases a large orb of electricity right in front of it from its cheeks, causing more damage than Thunder Jolt and therefore I felt matched Thunder Bolt. I can see the argument due to Pikachu’s forward smash being more close range that it should be a physical rather than special electric attack, however the only physical electric attacks I know of all involve Pikachu charging forward, except for Nuzzle which matches the description but does very little damage and is more used to paralyse opponents, something the forward smash doesn’t do. Volt Tackle, Pikachu’s final smash is only available through breeding and therefore I felt would require me to use a different Pikachu to the one I would use throughout the game’s story, so I decided against going for that set up. Finally, when it comes to matching the aesthetic of the Super Smash Bros version of Pikachu, I used a regular Pokeball to catch it, which is what is used when Pikachu enters battles in Super Smash Bros.

I would like to note that in later playthroughs of other games, I have managed to specifically replicate the Pikachu from Super Smash Bros, by bringing one from the Virtual Console release of Pokemon Blue to Sword and Shield, meaning it was able to learn Thunder Bolt, Quick Attack, Skull Bash and Thunder. This Pikachu is the closest in setup to the Super Smash Bros incarnation and is the one pictured in the screenshot from Pokemon Ultra Moon in this post which it was in before I transferred it to Pokemon Sword. With that said, the Pikachu I have been talking about in this playthrough of Fire Red is the closest I could get to playing through Gen 1’s story with Super Smash Bros Pikachu overall.

Credits.

For information on this game including dates of releases I must give credit to Bulbapedia.

The screenshots in this post are taken by me using Pokemon Ultra Moon and Let’s Go Pikachu, the reason why is because I am unable to get screenshots of Game Boy Advance games which weren’t ported to Wii U, also the events of Let’s Go take place in Kanto, so I felt they were the best alternative.